A Thousand Snowflakes
by June.Louise
Summary: Is it possible to move on when you've lost someone? Will your heart forever be broken? A Christmas story about Seth and Summer.
1. Chapter 1

A Thousand Snowflakes

_Dedicated to my best friend Lina_

In the dark December night snow was slowly and silently falling from the sky, creating a thin layer on the street. Snowflakes like ice crystals rested on the shoulders of his coat and lay in the curls of his chocolate brown hair. It was cold and every time he took a step, his boots would cause a creak in the snow. That was the only sound; it was as if the snow erased the outside world, only allowing Seth to make any noise as he walked down the street.

He was on his way home. Even though this wasn't how he'd imagined his favourite time of the year to be, none of that seemed to matter. It didn't seem to matter that he hadn't been there to help decorating the house, or that he hadn't been out Christmas shopping and sung carols while wrapping his carefully chosen gifts. It didn't seem to matter anymore. Ever since Lina had died nothing seemed to matter.

Seth knew that things would never be the same; he knew that he'd never be able to smile for real again. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that God had to take something so innocent and full of life, something so precious and someone so loved. Every morning he would hear the sound of her footsteps down the stairs; he would have the refrigerator door open a little longer than usual and wait for her to ask him to make her his chocolate milk. He would stand outside of her room ready to tell her a bedtime story every night, only to be led back into his own bedroom. Summer would take his hand, squeeze it and lay down close to him.

Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night, feel how his wife wrapped her arms around him and whispered that it had only been a dream. Most of the times he would let her; he would bury his face in her hair and let her hold him. But Seth knew that it wasn't just a dream; when he woke up Lina wouldn't be there. She would still be in heaven. And it would never matter how many times Summer would tell him that it had been an accident, that it wasn't his fault.

He could hear her cry when she thought that he was asleep, he could hear how she tried to silent her crying with the pillow and he could feel how she sometimes left the bed and went out of their room. Seth always knew where she went; she would go to the children's room and make sure that they were okay. She would sit next to Isaac and Isabelle and after a while silently go back to hers and Seth's bed, crawl under the covers with a sigh and place a hand on his arm.

He hated that she always tried to be strong for him, that she tried to be strong for everyone. She tried so hard to make things get back to normal, and she insisted that they were going to have a normal Chrismukkah. Summer was the one to make all the plans and preparations, she was the one shopping for the kids and cooking. This year Summer had taken Seth's role as Chrismukkah enthusiast. Only he knew that it was all just a façade; a façade that soon would fall.

Throughout the years things had many times got in their way, and every time that had occurred they had found a way to grow stronger by it. Summer would be Seth's rock and Seth would be Summer's. That was how it worked. Now though, he had failed in being her rock; he was failing. And it hurt to see how hard she tried to make things better for him, to make him realise that life would go on. It hurt to know that she was putting everybody else first and not caring about herself, not caring about her own grief.

He had been to visit Lina again tonight; he'd left Summer alone with the twins and fled. Ever since that day, exactly two months ago, he'd go visit her as often as he could. Somehow it was easier that way, somehow standing by her grave and reading the capitals calmed him. It made him feel closer to her, and it made him not ruin the family he had left.

And now he was on his way home; knowing that the twins would be in their beds sleeping and Summer would be in their bed pretending to be asleep as he walked in. He knew that she always waited for him; he knew that she hated that he wasn't home. She worried about him, and he knew that she was afraid every time he left.

Somehow though, it was better that way.

They had bought the house just a few months before Lina was born, and it had been a perfect place to have a family in. When the twins were born two years later Summer had decided to be a fulltime mom. Had it all been too good? Seth had got everything he ever wanted and maybe he hadn't appreciated it enough. Why else would Lina have been taken away from them?

It was dark in the windows. He had been right that they would be in bed. As Seth walked up the steps to the front door he noticed how someone had put up the garland on the door, and as he walked inside a scent of newly baked cookies reached his nose. The banister of the stairs was decorated with Isabelle's and Isaac's shining stars and hearts; Summer had helped them cut them out of silk paper. She'd helped them glue on pearls and glitter.

Seth smiled sadly and continued up the stairs to the bedrooms. He opened the first door and walked into the twin's room. In one bed lay Isabelle, his little girl with curly brown hair and freckles on her nose. And in the other lay Isaac, their only son. He'd had two girls, two perfect daughters, and one beautiful boy. But now all he had was the two of them in this room; one daughter and one son. Lina was dead; she wasn't asleep in the room next to the twins'. His daughter was dead.

"Daddy," a voice called out as he was about to exit the room. For a second, Seth had believed the voice to belong to Lina.

He walked back inside, kneeling next to Isabelle's bed. "Go back to sleep, baby."

She snuggled into her pillow and nodded. "Love you, daddy," she whispered in a sleepy voice before closing her eyes. Isabelle had his eyes, while Lina had had Summer's.

Seth stayed in the room for awhile; he stroked Isabelle's curls and listened to her soft breathing. He felt how her small hand unconsciously hugged his sleeve. She had his curly hair and Summer's small nose, his chin and Summer's lips. Isabelle was as much him as she was Summer, while Lina had been all Summer. Was that why he missed her so much?

"Love you too," he whispered as he rose, swallowing all of the guilt. "Love you too, Isabelle."

Seth hated that he was a bad parent, that he was a bad father. All he wanted was to be there every night, make them breakfast and play with them. But he couldn't. He couldn't stop thinking that someone was missing, that Lina should be playing with them too. And therefore he couldn't be a good daddy for them.

He was scared that he had loved Lina more, that she had been his favourite. That he had been happier when she was born, that he had given her more time than the twins.

It was dark in their room, and Summer was asleep. She was not just pretending like she used to, but actually asleep. He could hear it on her breathing and she had her face turned to him, something that she never had. Lying there she looked so young, so delicate. She didn't deserve this to happen to her; she didn't deserve to lose her child before she was even thirty. And she didn't deserve to have a husband like him these days.

Next to her face, on his pillow, an envelope had been placed. In childish letters "to daddy" had been written. Seth opened the envelope which revealed a Christmas card. Ísabelle and Isaac had painted and Summer - he recognised her writing – had written "the best daddy in the whole world". A sad smile spread on his face and he crawled under the covers, placing the card on his bedside table.

If only he could believe that. If only he could be that daddy again.


	2. Chapter 2

A Thousand Snowflakes

_Dedicated to my best friend Lina_

Saturday mornings had always been his favourite time of the week.

But lately he'd come to hate them.

The mumbling sound from the kitchen reached his ears as he slowly walked down the stairs, feeling how his eyes got more warm and teary for every step he took. Through the living room windows he could see the white snow lying untouched. A perfect day to be outside and play, and later come in to some hot chocolate and newly baked cookies.

Three heads immediately turned to Seth as he walked into the kitchen. Around the table were the twins, while Summer was standing by the island cutting vegetables. She was already dressed, in black jeans and a wine red top, and her dark hair was pulled back into a plait. She smiled, meeting his eyes.

"Hi, Seth."

Isabelle and Isaac had returned to their food, both trying to get some of the other's. On the wall, the clock showed eight fifty; the whole day was lying before them.

Seth slowly walked over to his wife, seeing her pull the knife down and take a step closer to him. His arms went around her and he could feel how she hugged him near her as hard as she could.

He knew that he loved her; he could feel it in everything he did, every breath he took. He knew that he loved his children; he knew that he loved his family more than anything. But in moments like these, he missed his little girl the most. They weren't supposed to be four in their family. They were five. Seth, Summer, Isaac, Isabelle and Lina.

Fighting his tears back, Seth kissed the side of Summer's face and let go of her. He knew that she needed these hugs, needed to feel him being there. As did he.

Seth could see how Summer fought, fought to stay in control. Her breathing had gone heavy, as if trying not to cry and she blinked fast to suppress any tears from escaping her eyes. He gently touched her arm before taking the newspaper and sinking down in a chair by the table.

A minute later Summer was back to cutting the vegetables, Seth reading the paper and having his morning coffee, and the twins were still in their chairs. After a few seconds of peace though, Isaac started to cry, Isabelle holding his spoon in her hand.

"I didn't do anything. I swear, mom! I didn't do anything," she yelled as Summer kneeled down between her and Isaac, who was red in his face from crying.

Isaac held his arms out and leaned into his mother's arms, crying even harder. Summer rocked him, stroking his curls and looking over at her daughter.

"I didn't do anything!" By now Isabelle was crying as well, telling her mother over and over again that she hadn't done anything.

Summer turned to Seth, who had put the paper down. "Seth, please."

He couldn't look at her. He couldn't meet her eyes, which he knew were pleading him to stay and help her.

"Seth," she quietly said, watching how he rose and walked away from the table. "Seth."

He could feel her eyes watching his back, he knew that he was supposed to stay, but he kept walking away. He walked to the foyer, grabbed his coat and put on his boots. The cries from the kitchen hadn't stopped, and he could hear how Summer's gentle voice was trying to calm the twins down.

He hated himself for it, but walked outside in the cold winter's day, closing the door behind him.

Just as Seth got to the graveyard it started to snow; big snowflakes fell from the sky. It had snowed for a few days now, and the gravestones were covered in white. Seth though knew where he was going, he knew the place of which he'd visited every day for two months now.

Seth placed the flower he'd bought in the snow, wiping some snow away from the stone so that _Lina_ could be read in golden capitals. He took a step back and once again felt how that day returned to him.

_He walked into the hospital, holding his wife's hand. She was shaking and hadn't spoken a word since they'd received that call; a doctor telling them that their five-year-old daughter was in the hospital. She'd been in an accident; she had been hit by a bus. _

_Summer squeezed his hand and hugged his arm the whole way to their girl on the second floor. None of them cried yet. _

_Millions of thoughts ran through Seth's mind. He thought about this morning, about his decision to not let Lina go to her ballet since she had a cold. He remembered her pleas, her screams directed to him and her crying all the way to school. _

_It was his fault. _

_They had been waiting and waiting outside of her school, but Lina hadn't come. Lina hadn't been there. _

_Seth felt Summer tugging on his arm, felt how her grip tightened for every second. She was still not crying, although tears were threatening to fall. What had happened to their daughter, to Lina?_

Seth would never forget the sight they'd met when they walked into the hospital room. Their little girl had been even smaller than she was. Her lifeless body had met their eyes.

Seth would never forget how Summer had let go of his arm and how she fell to the floor. He'd never forget how he'd been as if paralyzed, stuck in the floor. He hadn't moved; he hadn't been able to move.

Visions of that day haunted him every minute, and every time he did something images of Lina appeared in front of him. Everything reminded him of Lina; everything reminded him that Lina was dead.

Seth sat down on the porch, digging his hands deeper in his pockets. He wasn't ready to go inside yet.

Across the street he saw a young couple walk with a perambulator, the man having an arm wrapped around his wife. Seth used to walk like that with Summer when Lina had been newborn. While thinking about that, Seth felt how someone sat down next to him.

"It's freezing," she said while pulling her coat tighter around her. "Why are you sitting out here?" Her hands forced his out of his pockets, and she intertwined their fingers, still waiting on an answer. "Seth?"

"I don't know."

He'd said those words too much lately. Sometimes though it was the only thing he could say. He didn't know the right words anymore; he didn't know.

Summer pushed herself closer to him, leaning against him. "I love you."

Lightly squeezing her hand, sadly smiling, Seth hoped to show her that he felt the same way. He hoped that she could feel it; that she could sense it somehow. The past couple of weeks Summer had been forced to guess things, and hope that she knew what he was feeling, what he was meaning. Summer was patient. She didn't push him, she didn't force him. She just let him do whatever he needed to, wanted to. She just loved him.

Though Seth couldn't understand how she could sometimes. He couldn't understand how she did it, how she could hold everything together; how she could be so strong. Seth couldn't understand how she never blamed him, never yelled at him, never told him to act like an adult person. He couldn't understand how she could be so amazing.

One thing that he did understand though, one thing that he knew for certain, was that he loved her.


	3. Chapter 3

A Thousand Snowflakes

_Dedicated to my best friend Lina_

Seth woke up with a grunt, lying on his stomach with his face deep in the cushions. Something had woken him; a familiar melody of which he had not heard for what seemed like forever. It was his phone that he for the past few weeks hadn't been using. With another grunt Seth forced his heavy body to get out of bed and walk to the dresser, where his phone lay.

Summer must have charged it, thinking that maybe this time he would answer his calls. Seth hadn't talked much to anyone since the funeral. He barely spoke to Summer and the twins. Work had been ignored, as had his friends and family. He had been answering the phone the first days but after hanging up too many times when someone called to give them their condolences he just stopped. Summer had been the one to call work and make sure they weren't expecting to see Seth there for a while, and they had been very understanding. As had his friends, their friends, and after awhile everyone understood that Seth needed time.

Seth picked the phone up and answered it with a tired "hello".

"Seth?"

Hearing the familiar voice of his brother whom he hadn't spoken to in several weeks made Seth wish Summer hadn't found his phone. "Listen, I don't want to-" Seth began.

"Talk?" Ryan's voice was calm but you could sense a harshness coming up. "I kind of know that, seeing as you haven't been answering any of our calls for weeks, Seth."

"Ryan, I thought I told you that I needed time and-" Seth started again but was this time also interrupted.

"You haven't told me that. _Summer_ has." The annoyance in Ryan's words was apparent but he forced himself to continue in a calmer tone. "Listen, man. I know this sucks. And I don't get it. But you need to live."

Seth sat down on the bed, wincing and wanting to run away from these past months. Everything hurt. "Ryan,"

Sighing in the phone, Ryan continued. "Seth, please. Just hear me out."

"Okay, sure. I'm listening."

Thankful that he hadn't been hung up on yet, Ryan softly started to talk. "We're worried about you. Seth. I've been calling you and so have Sandy and Kirsten. And we've been talking to Summer, because she answers the phone. And she keeps protecting you telling us that you need more time. Truth to be told, I'm worried about Summer. They need you, Seth. You're her _husband_, and their _father_." He said it all in a hurry, as if afraid that he wouldn't get the chance to say it all otherwise.

"I know that," Seth snapped.

"Then what are you doing leaving everything to Summer? We've offered to come help you with the twins, or maybe you could all come to us. Summer won't let us though. She thinks she can do everything by herself."

Seth felt his anger building up inside. "I know all of this, Ryan. Do you think I don't know this?"

"Seth, let us help you," Ryan pleaded sincerely. "Let us help you and Summer."

Seth could feel how tears began to cloud his eyes. This wasn't supposed to be necessary. He was supposed to be able to handle this on his own, not have his family understand from the conversations on the phone with Summer that everything was a mess. He was supposed to handle it. After all, it was Seth who lay next to her every night, knowing she cried. It was Seth who saw her put a smile on her face every morning when her eyes never had showed more sadness. _He_ was the only one who could understand her and the one who forced her to hold everything together.

Ryan could probably hear Seth's thinking over the phone. They never usually had silence in their conversations; Seth wasn't the quite type. "Talk to her, Seth. And call us. We'd love for you to come and who knows; maybe it would be a good thing."

Seth swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, man. I'll talk to her." Why was it so hard to talk? Why was it that every time he tried, his voice would let him down and his head would hurt from holding back tears? He couldn't even talk to Summer, couldn't say more than a few words. "I'll try."

"_I'm very sorry. We did everything we could," the doctor said as she was standing in front of the already devastated parents of a five-year-old girl. She stayed for a few minutes but as neither the mother nor the father uttered a word or even looked at her she left the room for them to say goodbye. _

_Summer was the first one to move from their place by the end of the bed. She let go of her husband's arm and slowly walked up to the petite girl who lay motionless wrapped in green sheets. She still had her hair in two braids her mother had made that same morning. "Oh," Summer shakily whispered as more tears ran down her already swollen face. She carefully moved a hand up to the girl's bruised face and graced the cold cheeks with her fingers. "No, baby." _

_Seth moved from where he stood as he heard how Summer's voice cracked and was followed by hysterical sobs. "Seth, do something! Take her back! Turn back time, anything!" She grabbed his arm and pulled at it, yelling at him as she cried. "Give me my daughter back!" _

_With silent tears streaming down his face Seth forced Summer into his embrace, pushing her shaking body against him and letting her scream at him until she couldn't anymore. While holding her his eyes were on his girl, Lina. She was dead._

"_Take her back," Summer whispered into his chest and fell heavy in his arms of exhaustion and devastation. _

* * *

They didn't talk about it. They never had. Every time one of them mentioned her the other would flinch and the conversation would be over. They didn't have sex and they haven't had since after the funeral. All they did these days was lay together in bed, hold each other and cry very silently. They would hold each other during the day, too. Seth would walk up to Summer and wrap his arms around her as she was occupying herself with laundry or dishes. He would pull her close and let go before either of them began to relax too much and cry. Summer would do the same; she'd pull him in an embrace as he came home from his long walks and hold him so hard that it almost hurt.

The twins would mention her name sometimes but Summer would quickly set their attention to something else. Her name was not to be used, her room not to be opened. It was easier that way. Because dealing with it was too hard.

Seth placed his cup of coffee on the table and put his face in his hands. Summer had been gone with Isaac and Isabelle for five hours and Seth had finished dinner and set the table, something he hadn't done much lately. He hadn't been doing much at all. Sleeping, having his coffee and walking made the days go by.

He kept looking out the window, thinking that he'd see the car pull up on the driveway. Summer did this every day. She'd take the twins out, leave the house for a couple of hours and then come back home to make dinner. Today she hadn't been home in time though so Seth had started _and_ finished dinner. It was past six and he was starting to worry. He'd called a few times but come straight to the answering machine.

After half an hour the front door opened and Summer walked in with a boy and a girl behind her.

"Where were you?" Seth questioned as he walked up to them, letting his worry show through an irritated tone.

They were all nicely dressed, Summer in boots and skirt. She bent down to help Isaac with his jacket. "At church," she simply said and turned to Isabelle. "Can you take these?"

Seth took the coats and began to place them on hangers as he watched Summer help the twins take off their outdoor clothes. "Church? What were you doing at church for so long?"

Summer shrugged. "Sorry I'm late. The kids have already eaten but I'll make something for you and me," she began to walk into the kitchen with a tired Isabelle on her arm. Isaac was sitting on the floor trying to take off his socks.

"Hey, little guy, these stays on, okay?" Seth gently lifted him up and was surprised by how heavy he had become. _Seriously_, he thought to himself. _Has it been that long?_

Inside the kitchen Summer had put Isabelle down and was washing her hands. "You made dinner I see. Thanks," she gave him a smile and then turned to Isaac. "Come here. Let's wash your tiny hands, shall we," she cooed and lifted him out of Seth's arms.

"I tried to call you," Seth started as he leaned against the counter.

"My batteries were dead. I should have found a way to call you," she apologized as she went to see what was in the pot.

Seth felt the guilt come over him for the hundredth time that day. "No, it's fine." He couldn't seem to come up with anything to say. What could he say? "So, Ryan called."

Summer lifted her head with a frown. "He did?" Clearly she was surprised that he'd answered the phone at all. Somehow a small smile appeared on her face. "Well, what did he say?"

"You hungry?" Seth motioned for the table and then went inside the family room to put a movie on for the twins. When he came back Summer had sat down by the table and was watching him. Seth took her plate and went to the stove to serve her. "I noticed that you'd charged my phone. Thanks."

Summer looked puzzled but smiled. "Yeah, I guess I should have charged mine too," she said in an attempt to make a joke. Joking was rare these days.

"Summer, I-", Seth began as he joined her with the food. "Ryan said-"

"He asked us to come, right," she calmly said and put food into her mouth. She didn't look at him or show any sign of seriousness.

Seth couldn't eat, couldn't speak. There was nothing he'd rather not do than to fly to his parents and Ryan and ship the twins off. He didn't want them to see him like this and he didn't want to meet their faces. It was too painful. And it wouldn't make her come back.

"He's asked me before, you know," Summer spoke again and this time met his gaze. "I told him no, so don't worry."

Seth knew that Summer never would leave Isaac and Isabelle in their grandparents' home. That would force her to grieve, to _feel_. And she didn't do that. She kept taking care of him and the twins and the house. Everything to keep herself from feeling to much. The only thing she couldn't do anything about was the nights. She didn't let it out then either though, only silently cried with her back against Seth or she held him while pushing her tears back.

"I think we should go," Seth said and almost surprised himself. This wasn't what he wanted. At all. But it was what they needed and it was time for him to give Summer what she needed. "We need to."

Summer let go of her fork. "Seth, wha-," she began in a quiet voice. "Isaac and Isabelle should be here, Seth. They need us. We don't have to go."

"Summer, we do." Seth sighed but forced himself to continue. "I can't take care of us Summer, and neither can you. We have to go."

"Seth, you can't decide this. _I've_ been doing alright with the twins, the house and everything. If you feel like you can't right now, I understand and it'd fine. Really." Summer was speaking in a calm voice but Seth could see how panic welled up inside of her. "We don't need to go anywhere. Everything should just stay as it's always been."

"Summer, it's not the same without her!" Seth said in a loader voice, forgetting about the small ears in the other room. "We can't just pretend that it's the same because it's not. She's dead, Summer! She's freaking dead!"

Summer rose from the chair, her eyes wet and angry. "Don't you think I know that?! I know!" She flung her arms up in the air and stormed out of the room, making Seth wish that he hadn't said anything. At the same time though, he knew that they couldn't avoid things forever.

"Daddy?" Isabelle had come to the table and Seth quickly brushed his tears away.

"Honey, come here," he softly said and lifted her up, hugging her. "What happened to the movie?"

She looked up at him with her brown eyes, making his insides hurt even more. "Where's mommy?" Seth swallowed and stood up, bringing the small girl with him.

"Mommy's gone to bed, Bella. She was tired."

* * *

A/N: I know I haven't updated in forever. Sorry about that. Anyone still interested in S/S stories? Let me know what you though. :)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing. :) I would love to hear your ideas on what you want to happen next. And also, I am thinking on continuing Fix Me. Any ideas there?

A Thousand Snowflakes

_Dedicated to my best friend Lina_

Summer stripped out of her clothes and placed herself in the tub. The water was hot, almost too hot, but Summer liked how it felt against her skin. She sat there for awhile, thinking about what had just happened downstairs.

The day had begun just like it always did these days. She had woken up, seen Seth lie next to her and known that he was going to sleep for several more hours. She had sighed, kissed his head and got out of bed. Summer had taken Isaac and Isabelle out of the house, this time to church. She'd dressed them in carefully chosen clothes, something that she used to love, and done her best to make her own appearance match her beautiful children's. They'd been to church and afterwards Summer had just driven, the twosome in the backseat asleep.

After _that_ day, and after the funeral when they'd all fallen into a daze, Summer had begun to occupy herself. She'd done everything you could do on the house, gone to all the places with the twins she could think of and somehow one of those places had been church. That was a place where she felt closer to _her_ and it somehow calmed her and made her make it through another day. She figured that it was kind of the same thing for her as the grave was for Seth. She would just not stand to see her name, knowing that she was somewhere down there. It was too scary, too real.

There was nothing worse than losing your child. To have something you created and nurtured die and never again be able to see the life in those eyes that used to be so bright. There could not be anything worse. Summer hated to think about it. She hated to remember that day, the days after and think of what now was a reality. It didn't become easy, just bearable, to busy herself with Isaac, Isabelle and Seth. They still needed her. She could still be there for them. And that was what she was doing, being there for them. As much as she could. Because that made her push her own feelings aside.

Today she'd lost it though. She'd lost control and let it come over her. The mere thought of going to California sent chills down her spine. She knew what would happen if they went. She knew how they would all look at them, try to take care of them. But it wasn't their job. It was hers.

"_Hello," Summer said as she lifted the phone to her ear. The twins had just gone to sleep and she had finished cleaning up from dinner. _

"_Summer, it's Ryan." _

_Summer sighed. "He's not home, Ryan."_

"_I figured. But Summer, I was actually wondering if you've thought about what I said," he said and Summer immediately tensed._

"_Ryan, we're okay. Really. I think it's better if we stay here. This is our home and Chrismukkhah's coming up."_

"_All the more reason for you to be here. We always see each other over the holidays. I think it'll be good." When Summer didn't say anything he quickly continued. "We miss you, you know."_

"_We miss you, too. But Ryan, really, we're fine. And we'll come visit you soon. Just not now."_

"_Okay. I guess I can't force you."_

"_You can't."_

"_Alright. But if you'll change your mind…"_

"_Thanks, Ryan. I do appreciate it."_

"_Say hi to Seth, will you? Tell him to call, not be a stranger."_

* * *

"Night, you two. Sweet dreams," Seth softly said as he closed the door to Isaac and Isabelle's room. He had put them to bed, read them a story, a story he'd never read before and which he thought wouldn't remind him of when he used to read to _her_. It had though. Everything did. No matter how he tried to get around it.

Seth felt the guilt build up inside of him all over again as he thought of how little he had spent time with the twins lately. He felt guilty for leaving it to Summer, even if she didn't show any sign of it being a burden for her, but he felt even more guilty because Isaac had gotten so used to Summer that he'd kept asking for her. He'd somehow become a stranger to his own children.

In their bed Summer was already fast asleep. She lay curled with her head next to the pillow, hugging the sheets to her chest. Seth carefully sat down next to her and watched her. She was beautiful. And he'd always loved to just watch her. But something hurt in him nowadays. She looked too much like their daughter, like Lina. She reminded him and therefore he couldn't look at her. Not for too long. Seth placed her head back on the pillow and left her, heading to the bathroom. How he wished that he could make it all not have happened.

* * *

"You want some breakfast," Summer gently asked as Seth walked into the kitchen. Isaac and Isabelle had been up for a while, as had Summer. She'd left Seth in bed like she did every morning and everything was back to normal. Like yesterday never had happened.

Seth shrugged. "Sure."

Summer formed a smile and helped him serve himself. She gave him the paper, poured him some coffee and put a plate in front of him. She then sat down opposite him at the table, sipping her own coffee. Looking down into the blackness of the liquor while listening to Seth as he turned the pages of the paper Summer hesitated about saying something or not. She felt bad about having raised her voice and rushed out the previous day. She should at least have taken the kids.

"Seth?" she nervously said and looked up. Seth lowered the paper and met her gaze. She wished that she could say something; she was usually the talker these days. But somehow she couldn't. "I love you."

Seth smiled. He could see that she had wanted to say something more but like so many other times those three words could say so much more. "I love you, too." He put the paper down and placed his hand on the table, opening it for hers to take. Summer responded to his smile and placed her smaller hand in his. Seth gently rubbed her fingers, brushing the gold band on her ring finger. "Love you," he said again, almost in a whisper.

As emotions of both sadness and love filled Summer she stood up, while still holding his hand, making him stand up as well. She leaned closer to his body and walked into his protecting embrace. She missed him.

Wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close Seth gently placed a kiss on top of her head. He missed her, too.

Just as they were standing there, holding each other, breathing in each other's scents the phone rang. Summer did not make an effort to move, on the opposite she had her arms tighten around his torso. As the phone kept ringing though, with none of them wanting to answer, Summer pulled away. It was just a small move; they kept having their arms around each other. "I you want to go, I'll go."

Seth met his wife's eyes, looking into her brown gaze. He could tell that she was serious, and that she again was doing this for him. It was enough though. Seth did it for her. "Thank you."


	5. Chapter 5

A Thousand Snowflakes

Their bed was covered in neatly folded piles of clothes, mostly clothes for the two three-year-olds, some of them matching. On the sofa stood two suitcases, open and half-filled. Summer was in the middle of packing, accurate in doing so and making sure that they would not forget anything. She did not know how long she was packing for; neither she nor Seth had talked about the details. All they had decided was to go to California for the holidays.

They had been living on the east coast for a few years now, and she had accepted the weather and come to care less about being pale. But through the years, Summer had always been very happy about visiting her home town in sunny California. She missed the sun, although she had come to love the different seasons they now had. She had not understood Seth's love for winter in the beginning, but the season grew on her. She was happy that winter only lasted a few months but enjoyed playing in the snow with her children or taking long walks together with Seth. There was something special about coming back to the California sun though.

"Sum, do you need any help?" Seth entered the bedroom, with a neutral look on his face. Summer was not used to Seth's offerings to help these days; she was not used to talking much with him at all. But the last days had been different. Seth had stayed in the house more than usual and actually helped take care of the twins.

Summer placed another pile of clothes in one of the suitcases. "I'm good." Noticing the harshness in her words, she gently offered a smile. "I mean, if you want to you can make the twins a snack."

Seth could not help but feel the guilt build up in him. Lately, she had not been very used to his help around the house, or with anything. He walked up to her and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, giving her a thankful smile. "Thank you. For everything." He did not need to say more. The two of them knew each other too well; emotions rarely had to be said out load. A kiss, a touch or a look in the other's eyes was enough to know what the other was feeling. So therefore, Summer did not say anything back, just gave him a light kiss back. Saying more than words ever could.

* * *

The airport was crowded and Summer held Isaac and Isabelle close to her as Seth went to get their bags. Summer had always been very protective of her children but the last months had for obvious reasons been very hard, fear rising as there were potential dangers everywhere. And therefore Summer was very keen on getting out of the crowd.

Relived as Seth appeared with their luggage, the foursome went for the exit where a cab was waiting.

The twins seemed excited to finally come see their grandparents, and were very eager to get to the Cohen house. Seth and Summer shared more nervous and anxious feelings though. This was their first time back without Lina, and it was also the first time either of them would have to spend time with other people than their family of four since the accident. For weeks they both had lived isolated, even though Summer has spent time outside of the house with the twins. Neither of them had been talking to friends, at least not more than a few words to answer a phone call. It was too hard to be a part of the world again, be what they used to.

As the car stopped outside the Cohen house, a place where they had so many memories, Summer offered her hand to Seth. She gave him a reassuring squeeze, as much for herself as for her husband. Both of them felt more connected than they had done for weeks, knowing that this was as hard for both of them. Deep down though, they knew that sooner or later they would have to face the world. They had two children left to think about, and had to be strong for them no matter how much it hurt to have _two children left_. Meaning one was gone.

For this, they had to stick together.

The moment the cab drove away, leaving four people with their bags on the driveway, Sandy and Kirsten rushed out the front door of the Cohen house. "Hi!" Both of them had big smiles on their faces and went to pick up a child each. Isaac, in Kirsten's arms, hugged her tightly and Isabelle was laughing as Sandy gave her a tickle attack.

Seth made a small smile as he watched his children being so happy. Isabelle had a wonderful laugh and even though it sometimes hurt to be reminded of a daughter's laugh, he could not help but feel in love with her. "Mom, dad," he said while picking up their bags and carrying them inside of his childhood home.

Summer let out a sigh as she felt relieved that she at least had made her children happy by coming here, and quickly followed her husband inside after giving her parents-in-law a smile. She had to swallow the lump in her throat as she realized that it had already started. She had begun to let go, let the wall she had been building since the accident break. She would not have anything to keep her occupied here, and the twins would not depend on her when they had their grandparents by their side. This made her vulnerable again, and dependent on her husband. For the last months she had been strong, for all of them. But now, she was not sure that she would be able to anymore.

Feeling like a small teenage girl again, Summer went to stand by Seth's side, fighting the urge to slip her fingers through his. Sandy and Kirsten also entered the house, now both Isaac and Isabelle in Sandy's arms. Kirsten offered her son and her daughter-in-law a loving smile and went to give them each a big hug. "I am so glad that you're here."

"We're happy to be here," Summer softly said, putting a smile on her face even though the sadness in her voice could not be missed. She hugged Kirsten back and as she turned to give her son a hug, Sandy wrapped Summer in a tight embrace. Summer had only hugged Sandy a few times and it felt a little weird having his arms around her, her head to his chest, but it made her feel comforted. She smiled while pulling away, seeing Isaac lift his arms up for her, a sigh for pick me up. Isaac was a sensitive boy, and he was very dependent on Summer. Lifting him up, she figured that these last few weeks had not helped him become more independent as Summer had been by their side pretty much all the time. She needed to be close to them though, and hugged her son tight to her chest.

"We guessed that you would be hungry from the flight so we prepared lunch," Kirsten said and motioned for the kitchen. Isabelle grabbed her hand and they walked toward the kitchen, Sandy following with Seth and Summer, Isaac in her arms.

Seth placed a hand on Summer's lower back, and as she gave him a sad smile she noticed how glassy his eyes were. Neither of them knew what this trip would mean to them, but they knew one thing. They were both scared, scared of having to deal with their emotions, something they until now had been able to postpone.

* * *

Later that night, after a day of catching up with Sandy and Kirsten, the twins were in bed, exhausted from the day. Summer and Kirsten sat by the pool with a glass of wine while Sandy and Seth had gone to visit Ryan.

"I have to say again, Summer, that I am so glad that you came," Kirsten said while they both were watching the pool.

Summer could not help but let a smile cross her lips. She was grateful that Seth's parents cared so much about them, and was in one way happy to be with them again. She had missed them and she surely had missed being able to sit outside in the evening. "Thank you, Kirsten."

"I know the last couple of weeks have been very hard, but we would love to help if there's anything we can do." Kirsten could not even imagine what her son and daughter-in-law were going through. Only thinking about it made her eyed tear up, and she felt the frustration as she knew that there was nothing she could do to take their pain away. "I want you to know that."

Summer again offered a smile, this time a much weaker one, and pushed her knees up to her chin. The pain she felt as she was forced to think about her baby girl was indescribable and unbearable. "God," she uttered with a trembled sigh.

Kirsten sadly watched as the younger woman fell apart, and after opening her mouth several times she realized that there was nothing she could say. Not for this. Instead she moved to sit beside Summer, carefully pulling her to her chest. Silent tears rolled down Summer's cheeks and she blinked hard to make her vision clearer.

Kirsten had not met either Seth or Summer since the funeral, but knew that Summer had been trying to be strong through all this. She was not one to show weakness and Kirsten knew her son's relationship with Summer well enough to know that Summer was the stronger one of them. And since Seth had not even answered his phone since it happened, but Summer had, always protecting and defending her husband, she knew that Summer also through this had been the strong one. The one to hold everything together as much as she could.

A few tears fell from Kirsten's eyes as she sat there with Summer, gently rocking her as the small brunettes tears never seemed to end.

* * *

Seth sat in Ryan's living room, in the house that his brother himself had designed. Ryan had found that his life was far better than he ever had let himself dream. He had a career as an architect, a job that he loved, and had finally settled down in this house together with Marissa Cooper, the love of his life. The two had not yet gotten married and started a family, but they were engaged and happy with that.

Both Ryan and Marissa had been a big part of their friends' life, and Seth and Summer's children had been very special to them. Marissa would always have presents for them and Ryan would always give them loads of attention. The last months had been different though, as no one was let in by Seth and Summer and no one either had dared to push them. Seth and Summer's children had naturally been special to all of them, the Cohen's, Ryan, Marissa and Summer's dad. And the death of Lina had affected everyone. She had been the first baby Cohen, and she had been so precious. They had all been at the hospital when she was born, and they had all had a special place in their hearts for little Lina Elizabeth Cohen.

As Seth had made a call just this morning to let his parents know that they were coming, Marissa had not been able to fly back from a business trip to New York, and Ryan had been up to his head with work the entire day. He was glad that his brother and sister-in-law had finally decided to come home though, and had insisted that they would meet as he came home from work. Sandy had suggested that himself and Seth would come over, leaving his wife together with Summer and the twins, giving them a chance to talk. And here they were, Sandy and his two sons, in the middle of Ryan's living room.

Ryan had been annoyed at Seth many times the last few weeks, thinking that he at least could answer his calls. But seeing Seth again, he felt ashamed for what he had been thinking and feeling. His always rambling brother looked different. He looked thinner, paler and he almost did not talk at all. He looked beyond miserable, and it scared Ryan. Ryan had a big experience with depressed Seth – mostly Seth depressed and in love with Summer – but this was different. This was not depressed Seth chasing the girl of his dreams, this was Seth broken and defeated.

* * *

**Hi everyone! Lately I have been watching som OC episodes and felt like writing again, hence the updating of this story and "Fix Me". Don't know if anyone still reads SS stories here, but if you are please let me know! I would love some reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

A Thousand Snowflakes

Seth woke up finding himself alone in bed. He squinted as the sun shone in through the windows, for a moment forgetting that he was in a guestroom at his parents' house, and rolled over to his other side. Summer's side of the bed was empty but he could still feel her smell lingering. Mostly he did not notice when she woke up and went up from the bed, but he knew that she probably woke up early. She had not been able to sleep much lately.

On the bedside table, the clock showed 09.29 and he knew that he should probably get up. By this time Summer had most likely been up for several hours, seeing as the twins never slept longer than 07.30.

Seth quickly threw on some clothes that he found in the open suitcase and went downstairs, in desperate need of some coffee.

In the kitchen everyone was seated around the table, on which there stood a large breakfast buffet. Clearly, someone other than Summer had gone up early to prepare all this.

"Daddy," both Isaac and Isabelle exclaimed as they saw their father enter the room. He smiled and felt a warmness in his chest, they were always excited to see him.

"Morning, Seth." His mother gave him a smile and motioned for the empty seat between herself and Summer. "I hope you're hungry."

"You're mother went a little overboard," Sandy joked but was silenced by a look from his wife.

"Yeah. Thanks, mom," Seth said while giving Isaac and Isabelle each a kiss on the head.

Summer immediately went up from the table to pour Seth some coffee, knowing that before he would want to taste anything else he needed his coffee. "Morning," she quietly said as she placed the cup in front of him, lightly kissing his cheek before returning to her seat.

"Thank you," he replied and gave her a small smile.

"So," Sandy excitedly said while he clapped his hands together. "Kirsten and I thought that we could have a little time with our grandchildren today. Maybe the zoo, maybe the beach."

Kirsten continued, smiling as the twins eyes grew big with excitement. "I'm thinking the zoo." Turning to Seth and Summer, knowing that the suggestions might not be popular with the two, she said. "We haven't had much time with them lately, and it would be great for them to be with their grandparents. We'll be back for dinner."

Summer turned in her seat, locking eyes with Seth, who understood her hesitation. Summer had spent the twins every waken moment together with them for the last couple of weeks and he knew why. She was terrified to let anything happen to them, and let them out of her reach.

"I don't know, Kirsten," Summer started but was interrupted by her three-year-old girl.

"Please," she pleaded while making her puppy eye look, knowing that it usually worked to get what she wanted from her parents. "Mommy, I want to go with grandma."

"Please," Kirsten said as well, while Isabelle went around the table to sit in her grandmother's lap. Kirsten wrapped her arms around the little girl and placed a kiss on her forehead as if to show that she would not let anything happen to either of the two children.

Summer still hesitated. She knew that it would be fun for the kids to go out with Sandy and Kirsten. She knew that they had missed them and could use a little fun these days. Even though Summer had done her best to not show her children that she was sad, she also knew that they both had noticed. Seth had been absent, and Summer had not been her happy self. She had never cried in front of them but she had not been able to hide her sadness completely either.

"Daddy?" Isaac tugged at Seth's shirt and looked into his eyes. "Please, me and Bella wanna go."

Seth lifted his son up, placing him in his lap. "I know you want to, buddy."

Summer looked into her children's pleading chocolate eyes and then she met her husband's gaze, knowing he was not saying yes until she was. "Well, maybe we should come with you. Seth and I don't have anything planned anyways."

"Actually, Ryan said that he and Marissa would stop by later. They really want to see you."

"Ryan didn't say anything about that last night, dad," Seth said, joining in on the conversation.

"Well, he called earlier," Sandy simply said and Seth could sense that he was lying but did not have the energy to talk back.

"It seems as if you've already decided for us, then." Seth did not try to hide the annoyance in his voice.

"Seth," Kirsten softly said. "We wouldn't do that."

"Fine, Seth and I will stay home." Summer did not want this to turn into a fight either, and especially not in front of her kids so she gave in. "It's okay, we're fine with it."

Seth was a little surprised that Summer gave in this easily but figured that he had better do the same. "Fine," he sighed but gave his kids a smile. "If you want to go."

"We do!" Isaac clapped his hands and jumped out of his father's lap and into his grandfather's.

Isabelle did the opposite though and abandoned Kirsten's lap. "Thank you, thank you, and thank you. I love you, mommy." The little girl hugged her mommy, and then went to give her daddy a kiss. "Love you, daddy."

* * *

After the foursome had left for the zoo, Summer and Seth was met by the silence of the house. It was quiet with no children. Too quiet.

"I'm going to clean up in the kitchen," Summer quickly said while hurrying toward the kitchen. Seth was left in the hall by himself but soon followed his wife.

He could not remember the last time they had been alone, just the two of them. They were alone in bed every night, but never during the day. The twins were always there with Summer. And most of the time, Seth was not there with them.

In the kitchen Summer was busying herself loading the dishwasher. Seth watched her with sadness, knowing that she would not want him to help. Because that would make things done faster, and he knew that Summer liked to stay occupied these days. It was the way she was dealing with it. It. The accident. The death of their girl.

Seth did never occupy himself. He did sort of the opposite. Nothing. Somehow he found it hard to do anything, to find energy to do anything. Or to see what really was the point.

Sinking down at the breakfast table again, Seth opened the paper. He just stared at it though. Did not want to read or know about any more misery.

"Hey," Summer gently said as the kitchen looked sparkling clean. She had noticed her husband sitting on the chair staring in front of him for ten minutes. "Everything okay?" She softly touched his cheek and looked into his eyes the only way she could. He met her gaze with equal sadness and nodded, bushing his hand against her waist. Even though Summer tried to stay occupied and take care of the twins, she never stopped worrying about him or trying to show him some affection. She tried to comfort him, he knew that. And he loved her for it, even though he mostly did not let her come too close.

"I'm just gonna take a walk or something."

"Oh, okay." Summer was used to those words. He always went for these walks. "You want me to come with you?"

Seth shook his head. "No, that's alright. You just stay. Get some sleep. Relax."

"You sure?"

He nodded again, rose from the chair and gave her a quick peck on the lips. "I'll be back soon."

And he left.

* * *

When there was nothing else Summer could think of doing, having made the twins' bed and hers and Seth's and cleaned up as much as she could, she sat down by the TV flicking through the channels. She wasn't really watching though, and as she heard the front door open she was relieved.

She did not like to be alone, and she did not like it when Seth went out for his walks. Of course she never told him that, because somehow he seemed to need the time alone. And she hated to see him like this, it even scared her. So she let him do what he wanted and needed, trying to be there for him when she could. She would sometimes hold him at night when he was sleeping; knowing that whatever he was dreaming was not pleasant. She would try to make things better for him.

"Hi," Seth made a small wave to her as he appeared in the family room. He sat down next to her on the couch. "What are you watching?"

Summer shrugged. "Nothing," she sighed and tried to come up with something to say. They did not talk much these days. They only shared short phrases and sometimes an 'I love you', but most of their communication was physical. It would just be a hug or a quick touch, and holding each other at night. And that had worked for the last couple of weeks. They had not spent enough time together for things to get weird. But now they were forced to.

Seth also seemed to sense the tension between them. He was the one who usually fled it, leaving the house or walking away before anything could turn into an actual conversation or a fight. He hated himself for abandoning her when he knew how much she needed him to be there. He hated the fact that she forced herself to be strong, how she hid her emotions and just accepted whatever he did. She never asked him where he left, or argued with him for not being home or helping with the twins. She just let him do whatever he wanted. And he hated that he let her.

Not knowing what else to say he quietly whispered what he was feeling. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Summer turned to face him, leaving the TV on a random channel.

"For disappointing you, I guess."

"Seth," Summer started with sadness in her voice. "I understand."

"Maybe, but I feel that I've let you down." He took a deep breath, just focusing on getting the words out, not thinking too much. "I just, I can't deal, Summer. And I know that I'm just making things worse for you."

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Summer reassuringly rubbed it with her thumb. "Seth, you're not."

Seth knew that she was lying, and once again trying to be the strong one, to make him feel better. "Summer, I- Maybe I should just go away for a while. You're all better off without me."

She did not know where this was coming from but figured that these walks made her husband think a lot. Maybe sometimes too much. He thought about the accident too much, and kept repeating things in his mind. Of course he had not told her that, but she knew. "Don't talk like that. You know I need you here."

"Summer, I can't be there for you," Seth said with raised voice, as he tried to suppress the lump in his throat. "Sometimes I can't even look at you, because I'm reminded of-"

"Seth, don't you dare leave me," Summer whispered, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall. She was terrified that he would leave, that he would leave and not come back or even worse hurt himself. "It was an accident, Seth. You need to stop blaming yourself." She spoke the words that none of them had dared to say before. She knew that he blamed himself for what had happened. Taking both of his hands in hers, she looked into his watery eyes as a few tears slipped down her cheek. "I don't blame you. And I need you to understand that."

"Summer, how can you not blame me?" He let go of her hands, his own shaking. "I should have been there. I should have saved her." Tears ran down his cheeks by now and she could hear the panic in his voice. "I should not have let this happen. I should have been there for her, and I should be there for you. But I couldn't, and I can't!"

Summer fumbled with her words, knowing and fearing that once they talked about the accident it would not take long before one of them ran out of the room. It just seemed easier, to run rather than talk about it. She tried to stay calm though, desperately trying to make him understand. "Seth, it's not your fault. And all that matters now, is that we stick together."

Seth saw with his head in his hands, sobs racking through his body. Summer was not used to see him like this. He had been silent and depressed for months now. And even if it hurt to see him this messed up, at least he was finally allowing himself to show what really was the reason of why he was so distant. She hated talking about the accident and Lina as much as he did, but now she needed to clear things with her husband. No matter how much it would hurt, she had to do this for him. Because she could not have him punish himself any longer. She could not stand to have him like this, too see him hurting this way.

Careful but determined, Summer placed herself closer to him on the coach, sitting next to him and hugging him. "Seth, we will get through this together. I don't know how, but I promise we'll do it. You and me."

"Summer," Seth breathed and pulled her in a tight embrace, crying in her hair. Summer hugged him back with everything she had, knowing that there was nothing else she could do. She cried into his neck and knew that she could never get through this without her husband.

After having sat there for some time, rocking each other and crying together for the first time in a long time, Seth pulled away. His red and puffy eyes met hers, and she could almost see the pain he felt in his chest. "I'm sorry." He placed a lingering kiss on her forehead while brushing some tears away from her cheeks with his thumbs.

Then he left again. And she was not sure when he was coming back.

* * *

"You can do this," Summer said to herself as she entered the living room. She had taken a shower, got dressed and made sure that she looked her very best. She would not let herself break down once again.

So, Seth had left. First he had broken down in her arms and then he had left.

He would come back. He had to.

Pulling herself together Summer put a smile on her face. "Coop!"

Marissa Cooper turned around, seeing her best friend for the first time in weeks. Summer looked amazing as usual, and while searching her face there was no sign of sadness. Marissa knew though, that her friend always had been a very good actress, hiding her feelings well. "Sum, it's so good to see you."

The two friends hugged each other tightly. "I missed you, Coop."

"I missed you, too."

"Mommy," Isabelle came running into the room, jumping into her mother's arms.

"Hi, baby," Summer hugged the girl and sat down in an armchair while Marissa sat down on the sofa. "Did you have fun today?" The little girl nodded and snuggled into Summer's chest, obviously tired after an eventful day.

"I'm sure they're excited to see their grandparents again," Marissa said with a smile, happy that the whole family had finally come to visit.

Summer smiled. "Yeah, they're so excited." It felt good to be here, and that she made her babies happy. "But, tell me about you. How was your business trip?"

Marissa wondered how her friend could be so strong. Summer had always been stronger than herself. She had been through a lot, with her mom leaving her and her dad working all the time. But Summer had always done a very good job taking care of herself. Marissa just wished that Summer would not always have to be this strong. But, seeing as her friend did not want to talk about herself or her feeling, Marissa figured that the least she could do was to take Summer's mind off of everything. So she started to tell everything about her exciting trip to New York.

The night moved slowly, Summer relaxed around her friends and family and was glad to see her children so happy. Isaac had been in Ryan's lap for most of the night and Isabelle went from one person to the next. Summer knew that her kids had missed being around other people, they had missed being social. So, Summer let them enjoy themselves as she talked to her husband's family.

Throughout the whole night though, Summer could not stop thinking about Seth and wishing that he would be there. She had told everyone that Seth needed some alone time when they had asked, but she quickly changed the subject when they asked why or when he has coming back. Because she did not even know herself.

And the kids had not even asked about him. They were, unfortunately, too used to him not being around these days. Tonight, Summer was glad that they did not ask where their daddy was though. She was happy to just watch them have a good time with no worries whatsoever.

Summer hated to go to bed without him. She was used to it though, because he often came home late. But this night was different. Because she was not sure that he would come home at all. She had been pondering of whether or not to call him, but decided against it. He had said he needed time away, and maybe that was the truth. Maybe she could not do anything to help him.

She so desperately wanted to fix him. To make every bad feeling go away. She used to be able to do that. She used to be able to make him smile and laugh and care about nothing else than her. This was not anything she could take away though, she could not help him. And it made her heart ache even more, if that was possible, seeing the man she loved disappear and know that there was nothing she could do to stop it.

**Olivia and Steel Magnolias1852, thank you for reviewing! Means that I get to update. I am almost finished with next chapter, so review please and I'll be quick to update!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Some mature content in this chapter, so you're warned. ;)**

A Thousand Snowflakes

Seth watched the waves crash against the sand, felt how they crashed against his feet. He stood in the middle of the empty beach and had been doing so for quite some time. His feet were cold and he liked how the coldness hurt. Somehow it made the pain in his heart less.

He felt numb. He could not make himself move, even if he knew that he should. That seemed to be his problem. He knew that he should go back home. Back home to Summer. And his kids. Yet he did not.

They needed him.

It hurt every time he noticed that Isaac and Isabelle were surprised to see him or that his wife never expected him to be there, trying to be strong on her own. It hurt that he was a disappointment to them. Even if they never said it, he knew that he had failed them.

He should have been stronger. He should have spent more time with his family. He should have taken his kids out, played with them more. He should have held his wife as she cried, he should have let her be sad and feel. He should have taken care of them. Because he had promised her that he always would.

He should not have let Lina die. He should not have done this to his family. And now, here he was again proving what a failure he was. He had run away again, leaving Summer to deal with the reality.

_Summer laughed. He loved her laugh; it made his whole body fill with happiness. Even on the crappiest day, coming home to hear her laugh made him smile and everything good again. _

_He could not believe what she had just told him. They were expecting another child. Lina would have a baby brother or sister. _

_Spinning Summer around in the air, Seth laughed as well, hugging his wife close to his body. He had never been happier in how whole life. _

_He was married to Summer, the love of his live. He got to wake up beside her every day and see her smile to him. They had a wonderful little girl, so full of life and so much like Summer. Lina was everything he could ever have wished for, and now they would have another child. Their family was about to grow into more perfection. _

_"Summer, I love you."_

_"I love you, too. I am so happy right now," Summer was beaming at him and he could see in her eyes that she was indeed that happy. _

_"I promise you, that I always will try to make you this happy."_

_Summer laughed again, rolling her eyes thinking he was the cheesiest husband ever. And then she kissed him and as she pulled away she was all serious. "I know. As long as we're together I will be." _

He had promised her that he would always be there, always making her happy. He knew that she hurt as well, just as much as he did. She had lost her daughter. So he could not make her feel happy. But the sad part was that he did not even try anymore.

_"Daddy, I love you. I'm okay now, daddy. Take care of mommy. She's sad, daddy, I could hear her cry. She needs you, daddy. You have to comfort her daddy, like you comfort me when I am sad. Good night, daddy." _

_His little girl talked a lot. It was not surprising though, since Summer had a big mouth and he always seemed to ramble. Lina would always astonish them though, by being so smart. Sometimes she was wiser than anyone else. She was what Kirsten always had called Seth; an old soul. _

_Lina had noticed how her mother grew sad when Neil Roberts died. And she had hugged her mommy tight, being extra kind to her. Seth had noticed, too. Summer's dad had been her only family. And the death of him was more than she could handle. _

_Their daughter was very kind-hearted. She was that way because of Summer, Seth always thought. For Summer had a big heart. That was one of the reasons of why he loved her so much, and why she was such a good mother to his children. Lina took after her mother, and would always notice if anyone was sad and then try to make them feel better. _

_"Alright, baby girl. I will go take care of mommy. If you promise me that you can sleep now." Seth brushed a few locks away from his daughter's face, giving her a smile. He had read her a story and comforted her from the bad dream she had woke up from._

_Lina snuggled into her pillow, closing her eyes. "I am sleepy, daddy. I'll be alright." _

_Kissing her temple, Seth softly whispered to his girl, "Okay. Love you, princess." _

_"Love you, too, daddy." _

Seth closed his eyes, remembering that moment. He had gone to check on his little girl and noticed her sitting in bed crying softly. She was like Summer that way as well, she tried her hardest to be strong. This time for her mother. Seth knew better though than to let her try to fall back asleep on her own, scared from her dream. He had laid down next to her, wrapping her in her favorite teddy bear hug. And she had shed a few tears and told him about her dream. And he had told her a story and then she was alright. Then she was herself again, happy and caring and smiling and just wonderful.

He had kissed her good night and made sure to leave the door slightly open. And then he had taken her advice and gone to comfort his wife, who had been in their bed crying her own tears. After a while, when she had calmed down and asked him about the kids, he had told her about Lina's nightmare. Summer had kissed his cheek and gone out of bed, heading for their daughter's room. There she spent the night, and Seth had fallen asleep himself smiling while thinking about his two strong girls.

He had to go back.

He could not let Summer deal with this on her own, not any more. He owed it to Lina. She would never forgive him is she could see him right now. She would make him comfort her mommy. She would make him comfort her little brother and sister.

Seth walked with big steps back to his car, decisive to pull himself together. Turning around one last time he again saw the waves crashing against the sand. "Good night, princess," he whispered into the night.

* * *

Summer woke up feeling something wet against her neck and something heavy pressing her down against the bed. It took a few seconds before she realized that it was Seth who was covering her smaller body, his tears falling on her neck. He had his arms carefully around her and his head buried into her shoulder and neck.

Instant relief went through her body and she wrapped her own arms around him, wondering if he was asleep on top of her. He smelled like ocean. "Seth?"

He moved slightly and she felt his shaky breath on her skin. "I'm sorry. I love you," he whispered before capturing her lips with his own, desperately kissing her.

She welcomed his touch, having missed him. But after kissing back, his tongue urging to enter between her lips and feeling his hands pulling her silk top up, she gently pushed him away, worry in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

He nodded against her face and started placing kisses on her chin and neck, caressing her stomach and arm with his hands. It felt good to have him touch her again. It had been a long time. But she still was not sure that this was a good idea.

"Seth," she started but he interrupted her, his finger against her lips.

"Shh, I just want to be with you right now."

"Are you sure, baby, because we don't have to-"

"I am sure. If you want to, I mean." His voice turned a little insecure, afraid that maybe she did not want to. Maybe she was mad. Maybe she needed him to explain. Just maybe.

Summer reassuringly smiled, looking into his eyes, still worried and wondering what was going on. Waking up with him being all loving and affectionate was not normal these days. Even though she had missed it, it was still strange. "Of course I want to, but-"

"No but," he finished and before she could say anything else he kissed her again, this time with more passion.

Closing her eyes she let herself be lost in his touch, inviting his tongue into her mouth, letting her fingers play with the curls in the back of his head. His hands were all over her body and she felt as if she may explode if he stopped. She had missed him, and right now she did not care where he had been or for how long. All that mattered was that he was here, and that he was kissing her and that his hand cupped her breast. And that she wanted him. In fact, needed him.

She quickly made him loose his shirt and let her hands stroke his naked back for a few moments before she decided that this would not be slow love-making. Moaning into his mouth, Summer rolled them around so that she was on top of him and took off her top that she slept in. She leant down again, eagerly kissing him while tugging at his pants.

Seth dropped a few wet kisses on her lips before he, panting for breath, took off the rest of his clothes and again pressed her down on top of him, her naked body feeling so good against his own. He was not sure when or how she had been able to make her underwear go but she was completely naked on top of him and while he sucked on her bottom lip and let his hands roar her body, she took him into her hands and gently stroked him a few times before pushing him into her.

He had not expected her to be this into this, but was glad to finally be this close to her again. It made him feel good, something he had not felt for a long time. She was warm and wet and sexy and he wanted her so bad. She was slowly thrusting her hips against his while biting his ear, her breath hot on his skin and her hands clutching his arms tightly.

He turned them around and felt her legs go around him, her breathing heavy against him. He leaned down to kiss her lips again, kissing her fiercely while he began to move again. She felt so good in his arms, and as one of his arms went around her back the other went to her chest.

After they both were done, Seth collapsed on top of her, both out of breath and their sticky bodies pressed against each other. Seth placed a kiss on her shoulder before rolling over to his side, feeling her snuggle close to him. She placed her head just under his, one arm around his waist and one leg in between his.

Seth kissed her head and breathed in her smell. He had missed being this close to her. He had missed _them_. Summer seemed to feel the same because she pressed herself even closer to him, lightly brushing her lips against his chest.

Before both of them fell into sleep, Seth quietly whispered into her hair. "I love you, Summer. Night." She fell asleep the instant she heard him, a smile on her lips. She had not felt as safe or secure for weeks. And in her sleep that night, she stayed close to her husband, his arms wrapped around her petite body.

* * *

The next morning Summer woke up still smiling. She felt like she had had a really good dream, where she had felt really good. Noticing her naked form, she realized that it had not been a dream. Seth had come back last night. And they had been together for the first time in over two months.

She stretched out her arms but opened her eyes as she did not grab anything but empty sheet. "Seth," she groggily said, wondering why he was not in bed next to her. He always was. He never went up before she did nowadays.

But he was not there.

Feeling her heart beat faster, Summer wondered if maybe he had left again. Maybe he had just come back last night but decided to leave again.

But maybe he was in the twins' room, or downstairs. Summer quickly got up and grabbed her underwear and silk top, putting them on and then wrapping her robe around her, hurrying out of their room.

Nothing in the twins' room. Their beds were not made but their pyjamas lay on their beds so she figured that they were already up.

After making a quick stop to the bathroom Summer went downstairs, finding Kirsten and Sandy in the kitchen. "God morning, Summer," Kirsten smiled as she stood by the counter sipping a cup of coffee.

Summer felt a little embarrassed in her silk robe, face without make up, as her in-laws were already perfectly dressed. There was no need though, she felt comfortable around them but somehow it made her feel insecure this morning. That could have something to do with the fact that she was overall confused. "Morning, Kirsten. Sandy."

"If you're wondering where your family is, Seth took the kids out for breakfast." Sandy seemed to have noticed how Summer's eyes searched through the room and then out the window to the pool.

"I'm glad Seth came back, sweetie. Did he come last night?"

Summer met Kirsten's eyes, looking confused. Seth had taken the kids out for breakfast. He had not done that for a really long time. Summer was glad that he had done that; he needed to spend more time with the twins. But she could not help feeling a little left out, seeing as he had not invited her.

"Um, he came last night. He took them for breakfast?"

"Yeah, I was as surprised as you are." Sandy said once again. "But he said to tell you that they were at The Diner if you wanted to come. He didn't want to wake you."

"But you know, Summer, you can just stay here. We have plenty of breakfast."

"Thanks. Kirsten, but I kind of-"

"I'll give you a ride," Sandy said, noticing the smile spreading on his daughter-in-law's face. He knew that Seth had been distant lately, and that Summer probably wanted to be with her family.

Summer thankfully smiled. "Thanks, Sandy. I'd like that. Let me just go change and I'll meet you in ten minutes."

"Ten minutes it is," Sandy happily said.

"Oh, and Summer, we thought that we all could decorate the tree later," Kirsten said. "If you want to, of course."

Summer nodded. "Sure, I'll talk to Seth."

As Summer rushed upstairs, Kirsten turned to her husband. "Seth actually seemed happy this morning. Maybe he's finally coming around. And Summer, getting ready in ten minutes-"

Sandy raised his eyebrows. "I know what you're thinking."

"Oh, I really hope they're healing. I hate to see them so heart-broken."

Sandy stood up and went to pull his wife into a hug. "Me, too, honey. They'll get through this though, I know they will."

"I hope so. I mean, I can't even imagine what they're going through."

"Yeah,"

"When we lost our baby, it wasn't the same. We didn't know her. Lina was five."

Sandy kissed his wife's cheek, remembering what they had gone through when Kirsten had a miscarriage. Seth had been around three years old and they had been trying to give him a sibling. But it did not seem to work and after two miscarriages, one in the early pregnancy and one when Kirsten was about five months pregnant, they figured that it wasn't meant to be.

It had always been something the two of them shared as a secret, and sometimes they would think of it with sadness. But they were blessed. They had each other and they had Seth. And then Ryan had come into their lives and their family. They were blessed.

* * *

Summer searched through the diner, quickly spotting three curly haired heads. She smiled and walked over to where they sat, having ordered pancakes.

Isaac and Isabelle sat on one side of the table, napkins tucked into their shirts as they ate their favorite breakfast meal; chocolate pancakes. Seth sat on the other side of the table, sipping some coffee and also with a plate of pancakes in front of him.

"Mommy," Isaac said with his mouth full of food. He smiled brightly and held up a fork with pancakes. "Look!"

"Hi, sweetheart! Yum," Summer smiled at her two happy kids, giving them each a kiss on their head. She then sat down beside Seth, giving him a broad smile as well. "Hi, Cohen."

"Love," he smirked and kissed her cheek, bringing an arm around her shoulders.

She grinned back, placing a hand on his thigh. "So, pancakes, huh?"

"Yeah, you want some," Seth pushed his untouched plate closer to hers and she accepted, having a taste.

"Good," she nodded. "I'd almost forgotten how great the pancakes are here."

Seth again smiled and had a bit himself, agreeing with his wife. "Really good."

"Mom, you slept long this morning," Isabelle said climbing up to sit on her knees.

"Yeah, I wanted to wake you but daddy said no." Isaac copied his sister and also sat up on his knees.

"Well, mommy needed some sleep," Seth explained and pulled Summer closer to him. "I think," he added to her ear.

Summer blushed in response, bringing her hand up to his one on her shoulder where she intertwined her fingers through his. "Well, now I am wide awake. And very glad to have breakfast with all of you guys." She leaned slightly forward and ruffled Isaac's hair, making the little boy laugh.

Seth placed yet another kiss on Summer's cheek, and Summer could not in this moment believe how they just 24 hours ago had been tense around each other and quiet and strange. Now, everything felt completely normal and comfortable and the way things always had been. She would take a sip of his coffee knowing that he wouldn't mind, and have a fork of pancakes before cutting him one piece and giving it to him. And they would sit close together, hands clutched or arms around waist or hand on top of knee, absentmindedly touching one other.

After two months, they were again back to being together. They were back to being Seth and Summer, the couple who knew what the other was thinking, who would share a smile in the weirdest of moments and who would make jokes and who just belonged together. And the whole world could know it. Because it had always been that way. They had always fit together so perfectly in that very strange way.

Summer smiled to herself and thanked the higher power who had given her husband back. They could get through this. As long as they were together. As long as she had Seth, she could breathe.

**Rewiewerforleyton, thank you so much for reviewing every single chapter. Glad you found my story and like it! Also, thanks Olivia. Let me know what you think, again :)**


	8. Chapter 8

A Thousand Snowflakes

"Hey, Seth," Kirsten said while opening up a box of Christmas decorations. "Do you remember this?" She held up a home-made snowman. It looked ridiculous and you could tell that a child had made this.

Seth's eyes lit up though, and he went over to his mother. "My Snowman," he spoke with an excited tone of his voice while sitting down, taking the little white snowman into his hands.

Kirsten smiled. Her son had always enjoyed Christmas, or Chrismukkah, and he had made this snowman when he was about four years old. She could still remember when he had come home to show her, so proud of what he had made. Seth would always insist that he was the one hanging it in the tree, and it always had to be high up so that it wouldn't break. When he was little, Sandy would always have to hold him up while he found a perfect place for Snowman.

"Oh, Snowman," Summer copied Seth's enthusiasm and sat down beside him, looking at the little thing her husband had made such a long time ago.

Seth had made sure to tell Summer the story of Snowman; how he had made it and how he always had been the one to hang it in the tree and how everyone always had to be extra careful with it. It even had its own little box where it lay among the other decorations.

Kirsten watched the two of them, as they sat adoring the Snowman and then taking a few other things out of the box, Seth always making sure to tell Summer the story behind every piece. Some decorations did not even have a story, but to Seth they were all tradition. And tradition was very important to Seth.

For a moment Kirsten was reminded of how the two had been during high school, before moving away, getting married and having a family. Her son had had a crush on Summer Roberts forever, she was not sure why really. But everyone knew, and she and Sandy would often have to explain to their son that if Summer did not want to be his friend, they were always his friends. Seth never seemed to think that that was enough though, and kept talking about Summer.

So, Kirsten had been very thrilled, mixed with a bit of anxiety, as she had begun to see Summer in their home regularly. She had been glad for Seth, because she knew how long he had wanted this specific girl's attention. But she was also worried, that maybe he would get disappointed or hurt.

Summer turned out to be what Seth had always said about her though. And they had started to date. Her little boy had started to date, and started to call Summer Roberts his girlfriend.

He had grown up so fast once Ryan came. He had gone to parties, gotten drunk and been in trouble. He had sex, even though she had tried to suppress that from her mind. And he fell in love. For real.

She knew herself what it was like to find true love, and could therefore understand Seth's feelings toward Summer. And Summer was a great girl. No one could ever make her son happier.

She had always known that Summer did not come from a perfect family. She had her father who was very important to her. But the truth was that she had been very lonely growing up, and she would often live alone in that big house. So, naturally, Summer had started to spend a lot of time in the Cohen household. Not only because of Seth, but also because she needed someplace to feel safe and surrounded by people. She would mostly celebrate the holidays together with them, because her father worked and they usually just shared a dinner or something like that.

And Kirsten remembered seeing the two teenagers in the living room, surrounded by boxes of Christmas decorations. Seth would show Summer how they always did, how everything had its place. And Summer would smile and listen and enjoy the chance to celebrate the holidays the right way.

She would get equally excited as Seth talking about Chrismukkah, and they would go find a tree together and they would buy gifts together and Summer would smile widely as everyone sat around the tree ready to open all of the presents.

"Mom, remember this?" Seth took her out of her thoughts and placed a photograph in her hands. It was the picture of Ryan's first Chrismukkah; the Cohen family's official Christmas card.

Kirsten smiled, remembering when they had taken that picture. "That was a great year."

"Yeah, it was," Seth said emotionally and pulled an arm around Summer bringing her close to him, placing a kiss on her forehead.

That was the year Summer had started talking to him, and the rest was history.

Summer let a small laugh escape and let her head rest onto her husband's shoulder. "It was," she softly said and they all knew what she meant. It was the year she got to know the Cohen's, now her family.

The three of them were interrupted in their nostalgic by three other people entering the room, bouncing. Well, two of them were bouncing. Sandy was just half-running after Isaac and Isabelle.

Isaac fell laughing into his parents' lap where they sat close together. Summer startled to tickle him and he fell into even more laughter, his baby voice echoing through the room.

"Spin me again, grandpa," Isabelle begged and held her arms up to Sandy while jumping up and down. Sandy was never one to say no to either one of his grandchildren so he lifted the little girl up once again, swinging her from left to right. Isabelle giggled and hugged her grandpa close as he stopped with the spinning. "Lina used to spin me, but not this high," she enthusiastically breathed out, never noticing the tension as she mentioned her sister's name.

Seth felt Summer tightening beside him, and she let go of Isaac who was recovering from the tickling attack. Even though both Isabelle and Isaac had been laughing and the room had been everything but quiet, everyone had noticed the mentioning of that name. It had not been mentioned at all in the presence of Seth or Summer for weeks. Because every time they heard her name, neither seemed to be able to breathe.

Sandy broke the uncomfortable tension, gently putting Isabelle down to the flood. "So, anyone hungry?"

Kirsten quickly replied, feeling the need to save the situation as well. "Yes, come on kids, you can help me in the kitchen."

To Seth's surprise Summer also stood up, taking Isaac's hand in her own as they walked toward the kitchen. Trying to shrug the chill down her spine, she lifted him up into her arms and again let his laughter fill the air.

* * *

The rest of the day had gone by, and it had been nice. Seth and Summer had played together with the twins and it had been a good day. Isabelle had made Seth laugh, causing Summer to smile and pull her daughter into her arms, hugging the girl close.

Everything had been great. Until Isaac and Isabelle decided that they wanted to watch video tapes from when they were babies. Sandy and Kirsten had filmed all of the kids and kept the tapes in a specific drawer and every Christmas they usually watched these tapes. This Christmas, Kirsten had said no though and the drawer had discretely been emptied.

But that made Isaac and Isabelle throw a fight though and it ended with Sandy getting a photo album, thinking that they at least that way could still see pictures of them as babies but without upsetting Seth and Summer. Who this whole time had been at the store, collecting a few things for dinner.

It had not turned out to be such a great idea though, because the moment Seth and Summer returned from the store, their kids had been eager to show their parents the photo album. And Seth had tried to distract Summer, but of course she had wanted to see what they were doing and of course the album had been showing pictures of baby Lina and not the twins.

Sandy had quickly led Isaac and Isabelle out of the room, and Kirsten had tried to explain to Seth. He could not listen to her though, because Summer had immediately ran out of the room. And Seth had been left there in the family room with his mother, who looked terribly sorry.

"Excuse me," Seth wearily said, turning to go after his wife. He trusted his parents to take care of the kids, even while he did not ask them out load. Kirsten simply nodded and her facial expression told him that he should follow Summer, and that they would handle things in the house for as long as they needed to.

With big steps Seth walked out the front door to see where Summer had gone off to. He did not see her anywhere though but figured that no matter how fast she was she could not have come far, and his legs certainly would be able to reach her. As he walked down the driveway he spotted her down the road, and he quickened his pace.

Summer did not know where she was going. She just knew that she had to go, somewhere. She walked as fast as she could without running, her breathing heavy and the tears falling on her cheeks while she angrily wiped them away. She was tired of crying, and was angry with herself for doing it. It did not help.

She could feel how someone was behind her, walking with fast steps as well. And she knew it was Seth, even if it did take some time before he called out her name. "Summer." His voice was a little shaky and sad and it actually made her cry harder just hearing his voice.

Hearing Summer let a hiccup out, Seth ran the last short meters that separated them and turned her around, stopping her from rushing further while gently holding her arms. She met his gaze and he also wanted to cry seeing her tearstained face, and the desperate look in her watery eyes. He knew her better than anyone, and had learnt to recognize her different looks. This was nothing he was used seeing though; she would not get this way very often. She looked angry; she looked like she wanted to hit something.

Careful, knowing his wife could become violent, Seth pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her. He knew that there was nothing he could say. Nothing could make her feel better, or take the pain away, or change what had happened to her.

She started to shake in his arms and cried uncontrollably to his chest, pressing herself hard against him. It even hurt when she dug her fingers into his back, but Seth let her. That was all that he could do. Just be there for her. Be the strong one. Something he knew he should have been every day these past weeks.

Guilt, sadness and a bunch of feelings went through Seth's body as he held his wife's shaking body. He was also angry, angry that she had to feel this way, that she would have to go through this. It was not fair. As if she had just read his mind he heard her talk into his chest. He did not fully hear the words but she was repeating sentences as "It's not fair," and "Why,".

It was not fair and he did not know why this was happening. So he just kissed her hair, letting his own tears fall into her hair, whispering, "I know, baby. I know."

Suddenly Summer pulled away and forced Seth's arms to let go of her. She stepped away from his embrace, angrily wiping at her tears that kept coming. Her breathing was staggering and she hiccupped every other moment.

"How could this happen, Seth?" She stamped her foot and violently threw her hands up in the air. "This can't-I'm not-No!" She cried hard and Seth tried to bring her close to him again, but she forced his arms away. "No, I am not allowing this to happen to us! She can't be-"

By this time, Seth was also having troubles with tears clouding his vision. But he just stood there, watching his wife break down. He let her scream at him, let her anger be thrown at him, and when she started to hit him, he did not stop her.

"It's not fair! Cohen, how could you let this happen," she yelled and flung her whole body against his, her fists hitting his chest. Seth, focusing on keeping his balance, took Summer's hands in his own, forcing her fists to open and her arms to go around his waist. "I hate- I hate you." Her whole body seemed to finally collapse in his arms and she would have fallen to the ground if he had not held her up with his arms.

She turned quiet in his arms, except from the soft crying, and leaned heavily against him. He rarely witnessed her rage blackouts, but recognized them as she afterwards would become numb and exhausted.

Scooping her up in his arms, he began to walk them down the road. He did not feel like going back to the house, and did not think Summer would like to be seen like this. She was still quiet, except from an uneven sob now and then, and he kept walking without talking and without looking down at her in his arms.

Seth was not sure for how long he had been walking, and he was not sure of how he had been able to carry Summer in his arms that long, but as he felt the sand under his feet he sat them down on the beach. He placed Summer between his legs and let her lean against his chest, his arms slightly wrapped around her. Her body was still numb and she just sat there where he had placed her.

They sat there quietly for several minutes, both of them bluntly gazing at the beach. It was quite cold but none of them seemed to care or notice. They just sat there, until Summer stirred and spoke, her voice hoarse. "What happened?"

Seth closed his eyes, leaning his chin on top of her head. "I don't know. You were angry," he simply said, not really knowing how to explain it to her. He did not understand how she could become that way sometimes, so angry and full of hate, and then not remember. But he knew that she did not have any power over it, and therefore there was no point in talking about it. It did not matter.

He could hear Summer sigh, and she turned around, facing him. Her hair had long ago fallen out from her hair band and it was messy and slightly damp from his and her tears. But it blew in the chill wind and he could not help but think that she looked beautiful. Even though her face was swollen, her makeup completely ruined and her eyes and nose red and puffy. He manages to give her a small smile, as she sat down cross-legged in front of him, his legs on either side of her and her hands moving to take his into her lap. "What did I do," she said just above a whisper, almost as if she was afraid to know the answer. Her eyes were growing glassy again and she looked at him with such uncertainty that he felt bad for her.

Seth leaned his head closer to hers and placed a kiss on her forehead, whispering against her face, "Everything's okay now, Summer. It doesn't matter."

"Thank you for being there. I'm sorry, whatever I said to you." Summer locked eyes with him, bringing one hand up to his cheek, caressing it lightly. "I'm sorry," she whispered again and felt her eyes water. She always got scared when she could not remember, and this time she felt as if she had said horrible things. Because she often did during rage blackouts.

"Don't be," Seth said while wiping away the single tear that escaped Summer's eye. "Just don't be, sorry."

Summer studied his face. He looked tired. His eyes were sad and she could see the trace of tears on his face. And suddenly she could not bear to look at him anymore, but just stood up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, hugging him close. "I love you," she breathed into his neck while placing her lips just underneath his ear, kissing him there.

Seth did not say anything, but also held her close with his arms, placing his lips on the side of her face. She might not remember anything from the bottom of the driveway to the beach, but he did not have to tell her about it. She was in enough pain as it was. And there was no need to make her feel guilty or upset.

As Summer relaxed against him and sat down once again, her arms still around his body and her head snuggling into the crock of his neck, Seth became aware of how she was dressed in just a thin blouse and jeans. He was thankful that he had been able to wrap a light jacket over his shirt before going out to search for Summer. Opening the jacket, he pulled it around Summer best he could, having her pressed close to his body and trying to cover her small frame as much as possible.

"Seth?"

Seth made a 'hmm' sound, feeling her stir in his arms, welcoming his jacket and body heat. "Tell me about her," Summer softly said, hoping she was not going to make him want to leave. She was afraid of talking about their daughter, since just the mentioning of her name made both of them want to cry. But she needed him to talk to her. He was the only one who could understand how she felt, and who felt the same way. She had been their baby, and they had had known her for five years. Six if you counted the pregnancy, which they both had been thrilled throughout, anxious to meet their first baby.

She could hear Seth clear hid throat as she nervously waited for him to say something. As she held her breath, feeling her throat create a lump again, she started to regret asking him. But just as she felt like she would have to cry again, he spoke and made her calm somehow.

"She was just a baby. She was this small person, that I would look at and not understand how she could be ours. How we had created her. She was so precious, so perfect." Seth spoke with a stronger voice than she would have thought were possible. And he had a smile on his face, and kept rubbing circles on her back. He was so strong. Summer closed her eyes and focused on his voice as he continued. "She had your big dark eyes that I love, and she looked so much like you." Seth paused for a moment, kissing Summer's hair and tightening his hold of her. "And I would just love to look at her. I would feel overwhelmed that she was ours, you know. I never thought I could love someone so much, but the moment I saw her, when we were in the hospital and you held her in your arms, I knew that I would love her forever."

Summer felt the tears seep through her eyes once again, but did not bother wiping them away. She let them fall onto Seth's shirt; smiling as her husband spoke. She caressed his chest, drawing patterns on his shirt while enjoying his voice and the way he talked about her. She remembered that time as well, when she had been born and everything had been new and it had been overwhelming that she and Seth had a daughter. A tiny, perfect little daughter.

Breathing heavily, Summer noticed herself starting to talk. She wanted Seth to feel as safe and comforted as she did. They were the only people who could know what the other was feeling, because they had shared every moment with their baby girl. "When I first saw her I could not stop crying. Remember," she said and felt him nod against her head. "I had dreamt of having a baby with you for so long, but never prepared myself for what it would really mean. She had grown inside of me, and she was me and you, and then we had her in our arms. And she was all I ever had dreamt of or could have hoped for, and more. It was the happiest day of my life." Summer continued, her voice turning shaky. "I always knew that you would be a great father, but when I saw you with her, I was amazed. You loved her so much, and she loved being around you. She could not have had a better father than you, Seth."

To those words it was Seth's turn to break down, and he cried into her hair as Summer hugged him close. Her words went straight to his heart, touching his insides so much that it hurt. He breathed out a few sobs and desperately held onto his wife as she cried and was whispering words of comfort into his ear, mixed with declarations of how great of a father he had been and how lucky she had been to have him as the father to her children and how Lina had loved him so much.

Summer knew that it was something Seth pondered about. Had he been a good father? Had he done something wrong? Had he not been grateful enough? Was there anything he could have done to prevent her death?

And she so desperately wanted him to stop blaming himself. Because he had been such a good father, and there was nothing he could have done. There was nothing no one could have done. She did not understand why it had happened. And because it was no one's fault there was no one to blame. Because it had been an accident. A horrible accident, but an accident nonetheless.

**Thank you again for the reviews! I know I don't have a lot of readers these days, but it means a lot to just have three people reviewing. Olivia, Rewierwerforleyton and SteelMagnolias1852 - thank you! Keep reviewing and I promise to update! Also, look for updates on other stories of mine as well. -June**


	9. Chapter 9

A Thousand Snowflakes

"Hi, Cohen," Summer softly said and made her way from the bathroom to where he was sitting. He was sitting on their bed, with his boxers on and a plain t-shirt.

Seth gave her a hint of a smile and welcomed her position on his lap by wrapping one arm around her robe clad waist. "Morning," he whispered and placed a kiss on her cheek. She smelled like flowers and summer and he would have buried his face in her hair if it wasn't wet from her shower.

"How are you," Summer gently asked while delicately tracing her fingers along his jaw line.

Simply playing with the fabric of her robe, Seth looked into her chocolate brown eyes, her concern obvious. "I'm alright." He tightened his arm around her slightly, as if to reassure her. "How are you?"

"Good," Summer said and even though she was not really good, she felt better than usual anyway. And that had to be good these days. "Are we, uhm, good," she carefully asked, uncertainly meeting his eyes.

"Yeah, of course." Seth stroked her arm up and down, looking at her with his kind eyes. "Why wouldn't we be?"

Summer turned to look at their hand in her lap. "Just checking, I guess."

Seth searched her eyes, waiting for a further explanation.

"It's just that, these last couple of weeks have been hard. And we've both tried our best to cope," Summer sighed, fumbling with her robe.

"And," Seth said, trying to encourage her. Summer had never been too comfortable when it came to talking about her feelings. So he knew that most of the time, she would need some time and for him to be patient and just listen.

"And, well, we did not do it as a team really. And I was afraid that maybe you didn't want to-" She interrupted herself as she felt her voice start to crack. For some reason this affected her more than she had known, and she had not exactly expected this conversation to go in this direction. So, with an effort to make the lump in her throat go away, she took a deep breath and became silent.

Seth, not too comfortable about the situation either, did not say anything either. But in an effort to comfort his wife he pulled her a bit closer to him, his hand reaching up to her head and pulling it down to rest on his shoulder. He had noticed her trembling voice that he knew she tried to hide; he knew her so well that he had learned to recognize her voice like that. Sometimes, Summer was still so stubborn when it came to moments like these; when she became vulnerable. Even though she had let her walls down for him over the past years, she still felt uncomfortable when weak.

Since Summer did not continue, Seth began to talk. He was not sure if that was the right thing to do, but figured he would take the chance of saying the right words. "You've been so good to me." Seth kissed her hair, his hand stroking her back in that way he knew she liked. "I know I've been distant. But that doesn't mean that I don't want us to talk now, or be together. You're my wife, Summer. We're in this together, even though I've had a funny way of showing it lately."

Summer let out a sigh and closed her eyes. "Oh, Cohen. I needed to hear that."

Her voice was emotional and he figured that he actually had spoken the right words. Smiling, he placed another kiss on her temple. "I love you."

"I know," Summer mumbled into his shirt.

A second later Seth spoke again. "So, do you forgive me?"

"Of course," Summer breathed out in a soft voice.

"And you don't hate me?"

Summer raised her head from its place on his shoulder, watching him with a questioning look on her face. "What? Of course not. _I love you_, Cohen."

She leaned in and placed a light kiss on his lips, before touching the spot where her head had been resting. His shirt now had a dark spot caused by her wet hair. "Hey, Cohen," Summer said while moving a hand up to rest on his neck.

Seth made a 'hmm' sound, his own hand going up to her shoulder, gently threading his fingers through the dark hair. He had always loved her hair, and not just because it looked great together with his, but because it was soft and long and beautiful.

Summer continued. "Will you promise me something?"

"Anything," he whispered while meeting her eyes, his fingers still in her hair.

"Promise that you will come to me. Even if you don't want to talk. We can just, you know, feel together or whatever. I just really need you here." She spoke with a touch of uncertainty and he found her beautiful as she searched for the right words to describe her feelings.

He leant his forehead against hers, gently resting it there while mumbling, "Yeah."

"You know that, right? That I need you. I need you so much, Seth. You're the only one who can understand. You're the only one I can run to. You're the only one I can do _this_ with," Summer choked out and let her tears fall. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him close, breathing hard against his neck as a few more tears fell.

Summer was right. She would never be able to get through this if she was alone. She would not be able to do it with support from her friends. Even if that helped, and their family helped, she could never do it without Seth by her side. Because as much as she was able to put a smile on her face and act like things were good, she needed to break down in someone's arms afterwards. She needed to let that out and no one other than Seth would make her feel safe enough to do that. No one other than Seth could make her feel loved even though she screamed at him, and make her feel like things would be okay even if she cried like a baby in his arms. She would never let herself show her real emotions, the real Summer – both good and bad – to anyone other than her husband.

Because Seth would accept her no matter what she did, what she said or what she felt. That was something she could feel deep down, and it was the core of their strong connection. She knew that he would always love her, the real person she was. Because Seth had seen that person from the beginning, even when she did not even know herself who she was. Seth had always seen the beauty in her though, and he had accepted her despite her flaws. He had loved her flaws, and everything she felt self conscious about he made okay.

"I promise, Summer." Seth held her tight and also let her closeness comfort him. While in their embrace Seth understood where all this was coming from, why Summer was so upset. She was afraid to lose him. He still felt guilt building up every time he remembered that summer when he had left for Portland. It had taken him years to understand how it had affected Summer; how people leaving affected her. And he hated that he had hurt her so much, and he had sworn to never do anything like that ever again.

Just the thought that Summer was afraid that he would leave again made his eyes fill with tears. God, he could be stupid sometimes. Stupid and selfish. He had not thought about any deeper meaning to it every time he would tell Summer that she would be better off without him. And recently, he had told her several times that everyone would be better off if he left. While kissing the side of her face, he realized that Summer had not once told him how she felt about it. She had been her usual self and been understanding and loving. But she must have hurt, and he had been too self-absorbed and focused on his own grief to notice.

"I'm here, Sum. I won't leave. I won't leave you. I promise." He whispered those phrases over and over into her hair, while gently rocking her body.

Summer desperately clung to him, pressing her face into his neck. She was a bit overwhelmed by her emotions, not having understood how deep her abandonment issues still were. All her life she had struggled with people leaving, and then Seth had left her on his boat that summer and it had reminded her of losing her own mother. She had thought she was past all that now. Though losing her father and then her daughter did not exactly make things better. And the fear of losing someone else was stronger than ever. Because she could not lose anyone else now. If she did, she was sure she was going to die.

Hearing him uttering those words brought relief to her. Even though she knew that losing people seemed to happen beyond her control. Her father had had a heart attack, and Lina had been killed in an accident. Not everyone left because they wanted to, she knew that, or because they did not love her. It still helped a little knowing that Seth did not want to leave though.

After a while of just sitting there they heard some water splashing and realized that the twins were probably out by the pool with Sandy and Kirsten. Summer sat up, wiping her eyes a little and giving Seth a smile. "Thanks," she gently said. "I didn't think I would react like this." She let an embarrassed laugh out, motioning to her face.

Seth only smiled though, carefully stroking her cheek with his thumb, erasing all signs of tears. "Hey," he softly said and tilted her head slightly so that she met his eyes. "I'm here for things like this. Okay?"

"Okay," Summer repeated. "I love you, Cohen. You're the best."

"I love you, too. And _you_ are the best, Summer. You always will be." His words came out a little cheesy, but he meant them. Seth grinned as Summer smiled, stood up and began to pick out an outfit to wear from the wardrobe. She threw him a blue shirt and laid a pair of pants on the bed together with a pair of clean boxers. As she dropped the robe she offered him a sweet smile, knowing his reaction seeing her in her underwear by heart.

They dressed themselves in silence, used to the routine. Summer matched Seth's blue shirt with a purple blouse and put a gold bracelet on before she headed for the bathroom to dry her hair.

"Hey, Sum," Seth called out before she disappeared, causing her to abruptly stop in the doorway. "I just wanted you to know that I need you. I need you, too."

A smile spread on Summer's face and she could not help but let out a content sigh. She sure had a husband who was good with the words. Sometimes he said the sweetest things to her, and he seemed completely unaware of the fact that he looked adorable to her being so sincere. After all these years, he still could make her feel so special.

* * *

That day Summer spent with Kirsten and Marissa at the mall, doing some Christmas shopping together with the twins. Christmas shopping had always been a favorite thing among the three women, since that meant an extra excuse to do one of the things they enjoyed most; shop and spend money. It was natural for them all, having grown up in Orange County.

Isaac and Isabelle were not very fond of shopping, but the mall offered a lot of fun things for them. Marissa had bought them each a stuffed animal which entertained them for a while. And then there were the ice cream stop, and they got to ride on the small carousel with Kirsten while Summer and Marissa went from store to store.

They all had had a great time, and it was almost like going back in time. Summer enjoyed the shopping and was in a good mood. She had had a smile on her face for the most part and even laughed a few times. Both Kirsten and Marissa had been thrilled and been happy to help with the twins, determined to make the day good for Summer.

Seth had decided to spend the day sailing, something he had not done for a long time. And he always liked being on his boat, feeling freedom out there on the water. Summer had first tried to make him come with them to the mall, but figured that sailing would be a better activity for him this day. She knew how much he loved it and figured that he could need it. She had shopping and he had sailing. And they could both use to do something fun and which made them relax.

Once arriving back at the Cohen's house though, she was very eager to show him everything she had bought though. Most things were Christmas gifts for the twins but she had also found a few things for herself and for him. She specifically had a shirt for him that she wanted him to try it on right away.

"Hey, Sandy," she said as she dropped her bags on the sofa. The twins ran through the room, still energetic from all of the sugar they had consumed that day, and she let a giggle out as Sandy pretended to be a monster and made them shriek happily. "Is Seth back yet?"

"No, not yet." Sandy laughed and made his way from the kitchen doorway to the three women. "You've done some shopping I see," he raised his eyebrows and looked at the bags Summer had dropped on the sofa, and the bags Kirsten and Marissa dumped on the floor.

"Oh, Sandy." Kirsten smiled and gave him a light peck on his lips. "It's Chrismukkah."

"Yeah, yeah." Sandy smirked and placed an arm around his wife's waist, leading her towards the kitchen. "Should we start dinner?"

Kirsten nodded, turning her head to Summer and Marissa. "Will you two make sure the boys get back home? We're starting dinner."

Marissa pulled her phone up from her purse. "Sure. I'll call Ryan. He's probably just finishing work."

Summer did the same, dialing Seth's number.

* * *

Summer sat out by the pool later that night, after dinner. It had turned dark and Seth still had not come back. She had called him several times but without success. And now she was getting very anxious. It was not like Seth to not call her when she left him messages and showed she was worried - not even nowadays – and this bothered her. What if he had decided to leave after all? Or even worse, what if something had happened to him? He could not be sailing in the dark, could he?

"Mommy," a voice said and made Summer blink and turn her face from the pool. Isabelle approached her, dressed in her pink pajama and with her teddy bear tightly pressed to her chest. Seth had given her that bear when she was born. Isaac had one just like that, but his was beige while Isabelle's was brown. Isaac did not pay much attention to his teddy bear, but Isabelle always had it with her, sleeping with it every night.

Summer opened her arms for the little girl. "Hi, baby," she whispered into the Isabelle's hair as she snuggled into her mother's chest. "You tired?"

Kissing the brown curls of her daughter's head she felt Isabelle nod and relax in her embrace. Summer gently rocked the girl, pulling her close to her. She let herself be comforted by the closeness of her daughter, rocking her for a while before the girl fell asleep.

"We should get you to bed, baby girl." Summer stood up a little ungracefully and cradled the girl in her arms. Isabelle was still quite small but she was getting heavier than Summer were used to. Her little girl, who always had been so little, was getting bigger. And when not having Lina the twins did not seem as much like little babies anymore.

Isabelle's arms went around Summer's neck, her short legs around Summer's waist as they climbed the stairs. She laid Isabelle in her bed, tucking the covers carefully around her.

Isaac was already in bed and Summer figured that Sandy or Kirsten had tucked him into bed and read him a story, since there was a book on the bedside table. The boy breathed heavily and Summer took the comforter away so that he was only covered by a thin sheet. She knew her son tended to sweat during the night, and since he had a warm pajama she knew that he would not get cold. Summer kissed his soft cheek and threaded her fingers through his curls. Isaac really was a miniature of Seth.

Summer then turned to her daughter again, who by now had snuggled into the pillow, her teddy bear under her arm. "Sweet dreams." She kissed Isabelle's forehead before walking out the door, leaving one small lamp lit and the door slightly ajar.

Just outside the door Summer bumped into Kirsten, who apparently had gone looking for her. "They asleep?"

Summer nodded and they quietly walked a few meters away from the door to the twins' room. "Thanks for tucking Isaac in," Summer started. "I lost track of time sitting outside after dinner."

Kirsten placed one arm on top of Summer's. "We love having them here, Summer. I've really missed them. And you."

Summer offered a smile in reply and the older woman wrapped her daughter-in-law into a big hug. Kirsten wanted to ask about Seth, but was afraid to seeing as she had asked a few times that night already and Summer did not seem to have any answers. So, she just hugged the brunette and hoped that it would offer her some comfort.

"I'm worried about Seth," Summer quietly said into Kirsten's shoulder. Summer was afraid. Seth had promised not to abandon her only this morning and she could somehow sense that he had not left. So where was he?

Kirsten placed her hands on each of Summer's arms and looked into her eyes. She could see the worry in them, and she swore she would have to have a firm talk with Seth once he got home. Because she knew how fragile Summer was and how much she did not need anything else to worry about than what was already on her plate. "I know, sweetie. Let's go call him again. Okay?"

Summer nodded and let herself be led down the stairs and into the family room, unconsciously leaning against Kirsten. They sat down on the sofa and Kirsten placed the phone in Summer's hands. As Summer did not do anything but stare at the phone though, Kirsten took it into her own hands. "I can call him if you want." It was more of a statement than a question and she quickly dialed Seth's number, placing the phone against her ear.

Summer waited and she felt disappointment run through her body as Kirsten did not say anything into the phone. Seth was not picking up.

"Seth. It's your mother. Where are you? We're all worried about you. Please just call and let us know that you're alright." Kirsten shot Summer a look before continuing. "I'm serious, Seth. Okay. Love you. Bye."

Summer frowned and leaned back against the cushions. She had a weird feeling, and what felt like a stone in her stomach. _Seth_.

"Come back to me, Cohen," she whispered and felt Kirsten take her hand.

**Thank you for reviewing! Keep them coming and let me know if you have any suggestions!**


	10. Chapter 10

A Thousand Snowflakes

Summer immediately knew it was about Seth when she heard Sandy talk on the phone. Why else would the phone ring in the middle of the night? And why else would he talk in that hushed voice, walking into his study for privacy?

She did not exactly know what time it was. Only that it was late. Though the time seemed to move slower than normal, every hour feeling like four, Summer knew that it was way past midnight. She had not gone to bed. Or she had, but then after trying to sleep for a while without success, she had made her way downstairs again and sat on the couch in the living room. She had kept her eyes on the front door, sitting there in the dark with only the moonlight shining through the glass doors to the backyard.

Her hands were shaking and she kept pulling the blanket tighter around her, feeling cold.

She had heard the phone ring, but before making her way to the kitchen and answer it, she had realized that it was not _that_ phone ringing. It was a cell phone. Apparently Sandy and Kirsten had not been sleeping either, and she had heard the door to their room open and Sandy make his way to his study with quiet steps. He kept looking for something in his desk while talking on the phone and the lights were on in their bedroom so Kirsten must already be up.

Summer did not know for how long she had been sitting there, listening to Sandy's hushed voice in the study and trying to comprehend what he was saying. It was useless though so she carefully stood up, the blanket wrapped around her shoulders, making her way over to where Sandy was.

He had stopped searching through his desk and as he saw her in the doorway, he put the phone down. His face was serious and even though he tried to hide it she could see that he was scared.

"What's wrong with Seth?" The words came out a little higher than she had intended and she realized that just uttering those words made her throat feel jammed and her breathing turn heavy.

Sandy calmly walked up to her side, placing a hand on her shoulder, meeting her now glassy eyes. "Summer," he started but was interrupted.

"Who were you talking to? What's going on?" Summer looked forcefully into his eyes, feeling her eyes welling with tears. For the past hours - or really since before dinner when she had not been able to reach Seth - she had made up different scenarios in her head about what could have happened to him. She had tried to come up with an explanation to why he had not called or come home. But every scenario, every possible explanation, just made her more scared. Because there were no logical reason to why he was not by her side. And that had only made the scenarios in her head worse, because it had left her to believe that something had happened to him. And she could not handle that again. So she kept her watery eyes focused on Sandy, urging him to tell her. Because even though she knew she could not handle it if something had happened, she could not handle the not knowing either.

"They found Seth, sweetie. There was an accident-"

That was all he managed to say before Summer started to cry hysterically and fell to the floor, before Sandy had a chance to react and catch her. He leaned down next to her and while carefully rubbing her back he made an attempt to tell her what he knew about Seth. Summer did not seem to hear him though, and he was not even sure if she had gathered the fact that Seth was alive, since she kept crying, gripping onto the floor until her knuckles turned white.

Not knowing what to do or how to make Summer calm down, Sandy was thankful when he saw Summer be lifted from the floor. Apparently Ryan and Marissa had arrived faster than he had expected, probably having rushed out of bed the instant Kirsten had called them.

Marissa met Sandy's gaze and he could see the evident worry in her eyes as she followed Ryan with Summer in his arms out to the living room couch. Summer was still hysterical and tried to escape Ryan's strong arms, hitting and kicking everywhere she could reach. The crying made her weak though and she soon fell defeated against his chest, tightly gripping his shirt and sobbing against his chest.

"Do you know how Seth is yet," Marissa quietly asked Sandy as they stood watching the heartbreaking scene taking place in front of them. A few tears fell down her cheeks and she briefly met her boyfriend's eyes as he tightly held on to Summer on the couch.

Sandy shook his head, taking a look at his cell phone once again. "No, Kirsten said she would call the moment she knew."

Marissa nodded in understanding. She had woken up less than an hour ago by Ryan's quite panicky shakes, and immediately had known that something was wrong. Why else would Ryan wake her up in the middle of the night, while in a rush putting on the first clothes he laid eyes on?

Kirsten had called them and explained that Seth was in the hospital, and that she would have to go there immediately while Sandy stayed with Summer. They did not want to worry Summer until they knew more about Seth's condition, and they needed someone to stay with the twins if they all would have to leave for the hospital.

Of course Ryan and Marissa had rushed over to the Cohen house. Marissa would take care of the twins if needed and Ryan would drive to the hospital. Kirsten had not explained much on the phone, probably because she did not know much, only the fact that Seth had been rushed to the emergency room and had been in some sort of boat accident.

They all remembered the last time they had received a similar phone call. Only then there had not been a boat involved, but a bus.

"Hey, I'm just gonna go check on the twins upstairs. I'll be right back." Marissa excused herself and made her way up the stairs. She did not want a little child coming down to witness the chaos in the living room, seeing their mother like this. And she would not be surprised if either of them woke up seeing as Summer was the opposite of calm and quiet. Not that Marissa blamed her, at all. God, she hated to see these things happen to her best friend. She silently prayed for Seth to be okay, wiping a few tears on her way upstairs.

Summer continued her outburst, Ryan trying his best to calm her down. He tried to rub her back, rock her, kiss her hair, talk to her and hold her tight. The crying did not stop though and Ryan had never seen a person being this upset. He was also sick from worry about his brother and best friend, but knew that what Summer felt was worse than he could ever imagine. She did not deserve to lose yet another person. She could not. He would not allow it to happen.

Ryan swallowed hard as he realized that he felt just as helpless as everyone else. He had no power over the situation. One thing he could do though, and that was to be there for his brother's wife. He knew how Seth would break down just to see Summer like this, and Seth would do anything to make her okay again. That was Seth. His brother had always felt strongly for Summer, and if anyone should know it was Ryan. He had been there since Seth was sixteen and crazy in love with the girl now crying in his arms. That love had turned out to be incredibly deep, and most of the time Ryan had not even been able to understand just how strong Seth's feelings toward Summer were.

Over the years Ryan had grown very fond of Summer as well. She was not only Seth's wife and Marissa's best friend, but Summer was also his friend. Or sister-in-law. She was family. And of course he cared about her. They had always been close and even though their relationship sometimes was a bit weird and they did not always click, it had been natural for him to take her into his arms. She was hurting and Ryan would do anything for his family.

A phone rang and forced Ryan out of his thoughts, feeling Summer stir in his embrace. Her crying stopped for a moment and he knew that she was reacting to the phone.

"Honey? Yeah, they're here…Oh, thank God…Okay…Is he-…Are you sure…Okay…We'll be there…Bye." Sandy exhaled loudly as he shut the phone in his hands, turning to the two pair of eyes searching his face.

Summer had turned in Ryan's arms and was looking up at Sandy. Just the sight of her made Sandy's heart ache and he gently kneeled down in front of her, taking one of her hands in his. Summer had tears still streaming down her cheeks and her whole face was swollen and covered with tears. He could see that she desperately tried to compose herself though, forcing back her sobs and desperately blinking away the tears.

"Seth is alive. He is gonna be okay. Do you understand, Summer? Seth is okay."

Summer nodded, showing that she understood, but the moment Sandy had said her husband's name she had broke down again. Her head fell against her chest and she would have fallen off Ryan's lap if he had not had a firm hold of her waist.

"He'll be okay?" Ryan searched the eyes of the only man he had ever seen as a father figure.

Sandy nodded. "Yes. Seth will be okay. But we should go to the hospital though."

"Yeah," Ryan quietly said and let his eyes fall back to Summer. She was mumbling incoherent words into the blanket she still had around her while new sobs racked her body.

"I'll go let Marissa know." Sandy spoke and hurried up the stairs, leaving Ryan to try to pull Summer together enough to go to the hospital.

"Summer, sweetheart," he started, feeling himself grow soft. "Do you want to go to the hospital? To Seth?" He spoke close to her ear, making sure she would hear his voice through her crying and mumbling.

Summer hiccupped several times, and Ryan wondered if she maybe had trouble breathing, before she choked out a "yes" followed by a "Cohen".

That was all Ryan needed to hear to know that Summer needed to see Seth. She needed to see with her own eyes that he was okay. Because right now, he was not sure if she believed them.

Somehow Ryan and Sandy managed to get Summer into the car, Sandy in the driver's seat and Ryan in the back seat together with Summer. He did not really know how he had turned out to be the one to take care of her, but somehow he just did. And Sandy seemed content to be driving.

By the time they neared the hospital Summer had calmed down and Ryan had managed to wipe most tears from her face. She grasped a tissue Ryan had given her in one hand and leaned her head against Ryan's shoulder, an uneven hiccup now and then escaping from her together with a few sniffles.

Ryan soothingly threaded his fingers through her hair, glad that she had finally calmed down. He just hoped that the scene they would meet at the hospital would not be too bad for her sake. He was afraid to say or do something that would cause her to break down again, feeling like she was just hanging by a thread and that the smallest thing would take her back to hysteric.

As the car pulled up by the entrance to the hospital, Ryan inhaled nervously. Sandy got out of the car first and opened the door for Ryan and Summer. Ryan took a hold of Summer's hand and helped her out of the car, carefully wrapping an arm around her as they started to walk toward the doors.

Apparently Kirsten had decided to meet them by the reception because she was the first person they noticed. She had her hair in a loose pony tail and her face was makeup free. It was obvious that she had rushed out of bed and gone straight to the hospital.

Sandy immediately let Kirsten fall into his arms as they approached her, placing a lingering kiss on her forehead. This was their son in the hospital and of course they were worried sick. But both Kirsten and Sandy acted the way they knew best; strong. And as Kirsten laid eyes on Summer, who was anxiously searching the room and looked about just as small as a person could, she pulled away from her husband's arms and went to stand next to Summer.

"Sweetheart, let's go see him." She spoke gently to Summer and replaced Ryan's grip of the brunette, slowly leading her to the elevators.

Sandy followed with Ryan, a hand on the younger man's shoulder. He was proud of him, not only for what he had done with Summer just now.

Summer gasped as the elevator doors opened. She was met by a waiting area, a few people sitting there looking tired. Chewing on her bottom lip she blinked hard. She did not want to be here.

_Hospitals always smelled a certain way. And just being there made Summer feel sick and suffocated. She wanted to get out. She needed to get out of this hospital. _

_As she abruptly stood up she noticed how weak she felt. Her legs would not carry her. She would have fallen to the floor if she had not seen him. Seth walked toward her, his face covered in tears and she immediately felt opened her arms for him. He cried into her hair and she sat them down on the chairs again, gently rocking him while they both cried and wished they would wake up from this nightmare. _

_How this day had turned out this way neither of them could understand. This morning everything had been normal. They had woken up and done their morning routine, making their kids ready for the day. And a phone call in the afternoon had changed everything and scattered their world. _

_Their beautiful girl would never come home again. And being in the hospital, crying into each other's arms made it all so real. _

"Summer, honey, it's this way." Kirsten carefully tugged at Summer's arm, as the woman seemed to have frozen to the ground.

Ryan hurried to Summer's side, knowing that she could break any moment. He wrapped his arm around her and steadied her, pulling her head into his chest with his free hand. "Close your eyes," he whispered into her ear and she nodded, letting her eyes fall shut as she gripped his arm, trusting him to guide her right.

Kirsten once again let her husband drape an arm around her. This was not what any of them needed right now, and she could not even imagine how scared Summer was. She could not even imagine losing Seth, or Sandy. But Seth was going to be alright. He had just scared them.

Outside of Seth's room, Kirsten took a deep breath. Maybe she should check on her son before letting Summer in? Ryan though walked with determined steps together with Summer and gently turned to whisper in her ear that they were here. Summer carefully opened her eyes, red and glassy, and she took a deep breath.

Seth was lying in a hospital bed in the middle of the room. A nurse stood by his side, having organized his blankets and some machine that was connected to Seth by a wire. She smiled as she noticed his visitors though and excused herself, giving Kirsten a kind smile.

Seth looked pale where he lay. And his eyes were closed.

Sandy walked up to his son, carefully placing his hand on Seth's forehead. Thank god that he was safe.

Summer let out a shaky sob from where she stood by the doorway. Her breathing was hard and tears sprung to her eyes. She started to hyperventilate again and in any other situation Ryan would have given her a bag or something, but he knew that what really would make Summer stop was to see that Seth was okay. Because really, now he did not look okay. He was pale and had his eyes closed and if Ryan had not known that he was just sleeping, he would also have thought that he was dead. Summer did not notice his chest rise and fall though.

Ryan firmly took a grip of Summer and half carried her, half dragged her toward Seth's bed before she grew more upset. To Ryan's relief Summer's crying together with her heavy breathing seemed to have waken Seth up. And he opened his eyes.

"Summer, look," Ryan said while holding Summer upright, forcing her face toward Seth's. "Look. Seth's alright."

Worry immediately spread upon Seth's face and he did his best to shift on the bed, tightly wrapped in layers of cloth, trying to catch Summer's gaze. His hand found its way from under the blanket and he stretched it toward her. "Summer," he mumbled in a quiet and hoarse voice.

Finally Summer met his eyes, looking into those kind eyes that she loved so much. New tears welled up in her eyes and as she carefully took his outstretched hand into hers, feeling how cold it was she broke into hysterical sobs again. She fell against him, her face against his. She climbed up on the bed like a little child and hiccupped several times against his cheek.

"Shh," Seth tried and forced his both arms out from the blanket, placing them around his crying wife. He could not even imagine what she had been through. He had promised her not to leave and then disappeared. That was what he had been thinking about that whole time, when he'd dropped his phone into the water and when he had felt himself fall into the icy water. The only thing he had been thinking about was Summer and how he had to call her. "Summer," he hoarsely whispered again.

Sandy, Kirsten and Ryan quickly left the room, knowing that Seth and Summer needed some time. They would get their chances to talk to Seth later.

"I'm sorry. I'm here now." Seth's voice was croaky but he needed more than anything for Summer to be okay, so he kept talking and kept hugging her close. "It's okay. I won't leave you."

Summer clung to him, her face against the side of his, her arms going around him. "You're cold," she managed to say through her tears and she lift her head a few inches to look into his eyes. "You're cold," she said again and let a sob out.

And he understood.

Lina was cold. Dead people were cold.

He brought her hand up to his face and gently kissed it, keeping his eyes locked with hers. "It's because I was in the water, baby. I'll be warm again soon. I promise. I'm okay." Feeling awful about the fact that he had scared her this much, Seth felt his eyes water. God, did he know that Summer did not deserve this.

Nodding in reply Summer felt Seth's hand squeeze hers and bring it under the blankets, to feel how he was not cold there. And while she felt some body heat there she continued to cry and nod.

And Seth looked devastated. So he kissed her, desperately needing her to understand that he was alright and alive. Summer let herself respond to the kiss, letting her tongue twirl with Seth's as he parted his lips. He was _warm_. And he was _alive_.

And as she felt his warm tongue a new feeling was rising in her; anger. She pulled away from the kiss and sat up on the bed. "Do you realize how worried I've been," she yelled and punched him in the arm. "How _stupid_ can you be and get yourself thrown in the ocean?"

Before she got a chance to slap him again, Ryan grabbed Summer's arms. Apparently he had returned to the room. "Hey, Summer," he carefully but firmly started. "I know he's alright and everything, but he's still in the hospital. Don't be violent."

Seth grinned, thankful that Ryan had interfered and quite amused by the irritated look on his wife's face. She was still his Summer, violent and all. His face softened though as he noticed Summer's eyes turn glassy again and he heard her sigh. Ryan let go of her arms and carefully backed away from the bed, leaving the couple to their privacy yet again.

"Cohen," Summer whispered and lay down next to him, careful not to put too much pressure on him. "I was just so scared," she mumbled into his shoulder and he felt her breathe heavily, probably in an attempt to not cry.

Feeling nothing but love and understanding toward her, Seth leaned his head closer to hers, breathing her in. "I know you were. And believe me, I would have called you if I hadn't dropped my phone in the water. Or fell into it, whatever." He wrapped one arm around her, kissing her forehead. "I promised that I wouldn't leave you and I won't. I will never leave you."

"Are you really okay though? What _happened_? How long were you in the water? God, you must be freezing." Summer leaned up a few inches and looked into his eyes, rambling millions of questions. And as she realized that he had unwrapped himself from the blankets she tucked his arms back under the hideous yellow hospital blanket, affectionately placing a hand on his cheek. "I'm so relieved that you're okay, baby. I wouldn't have-"

Her voice cracked and she took a deep breath while closing her eyes, only to give him a loving look when she opened them again. And Seth wished that she had not tucked his arms back under the blankets because he really wanted to hug her close again. "I know," he simply said and again felt horrible for having put her through all of this. "I love you so much."

Seth did not get the chance to say more, to explain just how awful he felt and how much he loved her, for the twosome were joined by the rest of their family together with a nurse. Summer carefully slipped down from the bed though kept standing close to Seth, her hand moving from his cheek to affectionately run through his curls. Suddenly aware of her appearance she discretely wiped her eyes with her other hand and hoped that she did not look too bad. But after crying for the last hour she figured that she probably looked awful anyway. She forced herself not to think about that though, and focus on Seth. He was okay. And right now, that was all that mattered.

"You're awake, Mr. Cohen." The same nurse who had arranged his blankets before offered Seth a warm smile before giving one to Summer as well. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh, you know, better. _Warmer_," he said and gave Summer a meaningful look. She leaned down to place a quick kiss on his head and returned his smile.

"That's good. Your body temperature is rising, and it should be back to normal soon." The nurse motioned for the machine next to Seth's bed, showing his body temperature. "You were lucky to get out of the water, Mr. Cohen. Things could have ended bad." Everybody in the room seemed to understand the seriousness in the situation, or what could have happened, so she quickly continued as she remembered Kirsten having told her they had been through a tragic accident recently. "The main thing now is that you're going to be just fine though. You may need some time to recover and you have to be careful not to catch pneumonia. But we will do our best to prevent that, so it's important that you stay warm and try to rest."

The nurse then turned to Kirsten, who had been the one dealing with all the hospital stuff as she had arrived there first. "There is a coffee machine in the hallway. Maybe Mr. Cohen could use something warm to drink."

Kirsten immediately nodded, happy to get a task. At least she could do something for her son. "Yes, of course. I'll take care of that."

"It may make you feel warmer and be nice for your throat," the nurse said to Seth. "I'll be back in a while, Mr. Cohen."

Seth offered the nurse a smile and nodded. "Thank you."

As Kirsten and the nurse left, Sandy took a seat in a chair by Seth's bed. "So, son, what happened?" Ryan pushed a chair next to Sandy's and also took a seat, exchanging a smile with his brother. He had never been good with words but hoped that Seth would understand what he was feeling by that look. And Seth seemed to because he gave a nod back before he turned to Summer who carefully sat down on the bed, stroking Seth's arm up and down over the blanket.

Seth was able to meet Summer's eyes for a moment and smiled, glad that she was there. "You can sit closer if you want to. I could use the body heat." He said the last words with a laugh but as Summer gave him an unsure look he continued. "You're not gonna hurt me. I'm fine. Just cold."

"Okay," Summer whispered and once again lay down next to him, placing her head on top of his shoulder, and she cuddled close to him in attempt to make him warm.

"Son," Sandy spoke yet again, reminding Seth of his question.

Seth cleared his throat. "Right. Well, it's stupid really. I dropped my phone and as I was trying to catch it, I fell into the water." He was slightly embarrassed. It was a stupid story. And he knew what the next question was going to be.

"Well, did you climb up on the boat again?"

Seth sighed, and silently thanked Summer for being a comfort to him where she lay close to him, her hand soothingly stroking his chest up and down. "Yeah, well, I did actually try doing that. But you see, the boat was slippery and it kind of sailed away and as I tried to swim to it, I got a cramp."

Summer tightened her arms around him, shifting closer to him. She did not say anything though, and she didn't need to. But he continued, figuring it was best to get it all out even if he felt embarrassed about it. Falling off a boat in the middle of the ocean seemed to be something that only could happen to him. "But I made it back to the boat. The water was really cold though and I don't know if I was in shock or something, but I passed out. And when I woke up, I was here. Apparently some nice couple found me when they were out on their boat."

"_Thank god_," Seth heard Summer softly whisper before she placed a lingering kiss on his throat.

**This turned out a lot longer than what I had planned, but I didn't want to split in into two parts. So, please leave a review! And I'll update soon! **


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